The graph below shows how prices of "high-tech gadgets" changed over time in Somecountry( revised version)
The line graph compares the price of" high-tech gadgets" over the five-month period in a country.
Overall the navigation system was more expensive than the smart phone. As the months went by, the prices of both products fall gradually.
More specifically, the selling price of the navigation system was $4500, compared to $3000 for the smart phone. By the second-half year of 2005, the average price of GPS went downward, falling to $3000, while the figure for the smart phone fell to the same level. Clearly, a dip was shown in the price of the smart phone, falling to approximately $2800 in the first six-month of 2005.
From this point onward, navigations system was sold at a higher price by first-half year of 2006, with around $500 higher than the price in half-year ago. However, the value of it reduced to around $2700 by the end of 2006. Meanwhile, the market price for smart phone fell slightly and remained steady throughout the whole year, at $2700 that stood at the same level as the navigation system.
flaws:
'the selling price of the navigation system was $4500' ???
no 'GPS' from the graph.
'fall' is repeated a lot of times in one essay.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 176 200
No. of Characters: 807 1000
No. of Different Words: 93 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.642 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.585 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.387 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 47 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 32 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 22 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 16 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.556 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.5 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.446 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.707 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4