Some people say that competition is good for children's development while others believe it is bad. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Nowadays, competition in every aspect has increased a lot especially among children. A lot of individuals opine that it is better for student's enhancement as it makes them more adhere to future prospects in life, however, others contradict to it and feels that it is inappropriate. I strongly agree for the positive side of competition and will analyze the same in the essay.
At the outset, there are primarily numerous reasons. Firstly, competition helps in getting the best out of the person's ability that sometimes, he is also unaware of. To illustrate, Usain Bolt always surprises himself in order to remain on top of the food chain when it comes to 100m sprint race, since he always challenge his potential and have the zeal to strive. Secondly, it helps the individual to perceive the world with a different vision and making them superior than others who don't confronted difficulties. In addition, its the question of 'Survival of the fittest' in today's modern world, since the market is quite tough outside and there is a lot of talent which is underutilized.
On the contrary, it has been observed that the whole plot of competition is detrimental and is causing an unnecessary stress on the children. To emphasize, there have been cases registered where students especially teenage have committed suicides failing to competitions. The effect of failure is something unbearable which make them took the extreme step. Moreover, it also hampers the confidence of the student in such a way that it becomes extremely difficult to stand up again and regains the composure. Therefore, it does have adverse effects which impact children mentally and certainly, cannot be neglected.
In my own perception, even though competition brings in lot of stress on the competitor, it still have a huge impact on individual in terms of personality development and to come out of the inferior zone.
To conclude, competition fosters the individual personality and make person to strive in future but its aftermath should also be not over-sighted.
Comments
Hello, I think now I got to
Hello,
I think now I got to know why i got 6.5 and 6 in my previous 2 attempts.
Your comments and reviews are quite helpful and I am really taking them positively.
request you to do the review and comments on the same more so as to help me clearing the IELTS this time.
others contradict to it and feels that
others contradict to it and feel that
since he always challenge his potential and have the zeal to strive.
since he always challenges his potential and has the zeal to strive.
flaws:
You need to always focus on the topic: 'Some people say that competition is good for children's development'. But the second paragraph is not developed for children's development, but for everybody.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 335 350
No. of Characters: 1668 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.278 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.979 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.859 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.592 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5