TPO 15 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

Essay topics:

TPO 15 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In Order to become financially responsible adults, the children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

That financial responsibility is a vital part of our life is an undeniable fact. Soon or late, children should learn how to manage their own money. Some people agree that it is beneficial for children to become financially responsible at a young age; some others, however, disagree. From my perspective, I approve the statement and these are my justifications.

To begin with, it would be beneficial for the children to learn an important lesson about life at an earlier age. The experience, in my viewpoint, would be very useful for them in the future and will assist them to prosper as they enter the adulthood. Through experience, the children can grasp the value of money in life. Although they can read countless articles and books about financial responsibility or their parents might teach them repeatedly how to manage their money, only through active participation in society and work the children can become financially responsible. For instance, my parents advised me to work for a year before going to college. At first I disagree, but they reasoned with me that it would be helpful for my when I go to university. I worked for one year as an accountant in my aunt's office. Afterwards, when I was at university, I realized the value of money, so I regarded the virtue of frugality; however, I used to be very lavish with my parents' money when I was a child. In summary, my experience at earlier age was very useful during my life at university.

Beside the above-mentioned reason, children can be introduced to the rules of society and business at an earlier age and learn how to distinguish bad from good. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was alluded to above. Several years ago, I acquired a summer job at my uncle's wood workshop. We made a deal together so that he would pay me $300 per week. However, my uncle, intentionally, did not pay me any money with intend to teach me an important lesson. What was the lesson? "In any business, sign an official contract before starting your work, since no one can be trusted in today's world." Consequently, this experience at an early age assisted me to avoid any financial loss in the future in my financial affairs.

All in all, although some sophisticated people may prove the otherwise, I still agree with the statement. Should the children acquire this indisputable skill at an early age, the can become financially responsible adults.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Comments

Sentence: However, my uncle, intentionally, did not pay me any money with intend to teach me an important lesson.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to with and intend

Sentence: All in all, although some sophisticated people may prove the otherwise, I still agree with the statement.
Description: The fragment the otherwise , is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace otherwise with adjective

Sentence: Should the children acquire this indisputable skill at an early age, the can become financially responsible adults.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a modal auxillary
Suggestion: Refer to the and can

flaws:
No. of Words: 418 while No. of Different Words: 206

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 418 350
No. of Characters: 1943 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.522 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.648 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.795 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.174 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.358 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.435 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.457 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.096 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Try this pattern:

Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.

Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing as First but shorter

Para 5: Conclusion.
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Suggestions:

Put three reasons instead of two.

Put more arguments, put less examples.

Don't put a long story as examples.
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