TPO-40 - Independent Writing Task Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

School-age children prefer playing instead of studying. Because, playing is fun but studying is really boring. The question of finding best way to reward school-age children for high grade has been a topic of controversy among parents. Different responses can be given to this question based on the age of children. In my opinion, giving money to school-age children for high grades is the best method. I have two main reasons for holding this opinion which I am going to mention in the reminder of this essay.
The first reason coming to mind to support the presented idea is associated with motivation. In other words, school-age children need motivation for studying, because studying is boring and they want to have amusement which achieved by playing with toys or other children. Parents can use money as a motivation for them to concentrate on studying. They can also increase the motivation by telling that the money will be spent on buying their favorite toys. For example, when I was in elemenatry school, I used to play soccer with my friends. My father offered me that he would buy a soccer ball for me if I get high grade in all lessons. I tried hard for that and finally my dad bought the soccer ball.
Hardworking is the second reason for advocating my opinion about this statement. Children will learn that they have to try hard for achieving their goal. This is helpful lesson for them in their future life. This will help them in different hard circumstances that they will experience in the future. Let's take an example of my own experience to support this idea. I was very interested to have computer when I was in elementary school. Hence, my parents offered me that they will collect money for each high marks to buy a computer for me at the end of elementary school. I learned that I had to try hard to buy a computer and now I always try hard to achieve my goals.
In conclusion, parents will teach different things to their children by offering money which will help them in their future life. This things contain motivation and hardworking which will be essential for building their future life.

Votes
Average: 6 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 128, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[4]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'finding the best'.
Suggestion: finding the best
...dying is really boring. The question of finding best way to reward school-age children for h...
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Line 1, column 189, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...eward school-age children for high grade has been a topic of controversy among pa...
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Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...mention in the reminder of this essay. The first reason coming to mind to suppo...
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Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...finally my dad bought the soccer ball. Hardworking is the second reason for adv...
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Line 3, column 303, Rule ID: LETS_LET[1]
Message: Did you mean 'Let's'?
Suggestion: Let's
...hat they will experience in the future. Lets take an example of my own experience to...
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Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...I always try hard to achieve my goals. In conclusion, parents will teach differ...
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Line 4, column 132, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: These
...ch will help them in their future life. This things contain motivation and hardworki...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, if, really, second, so, for example, in conclusion, in my opinion, in other words

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 13.8261648746 43% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 43.0788530466 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 47.0 52.1666666667 90% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1753.0 1977.66487455 89% => OK
No of words: 371.0 407.700716846 91% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.72506738544 4.8611393121 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.38877662729 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.5648256441 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 212.727598566 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.469002695418 0.524837075471 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 525.6 618.680645161 85% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 29.4962110283 48.9658058833 60% => OK
Chars per sentence: 76.2173913043 100.406767564 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.1304347826 20.6045352989 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.45110844103 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8709677419 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.326784353017 0.236089414692 138% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.103866226953 0.076458572812 136% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.059921696735 0.0737576698707 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.206952431898 0.150856017488 137% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0517773190575 0.0645574589148 80% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 8.9 11.7677419355 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 72.16 58.1214874552 124% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.2 10.1575268817 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.86 10.9000537634 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.11 8.01818996416 89% => OK
difficult_words: 63.0 86.8835125448 73% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.002688172 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 7.0 10.247311828 68% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?

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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.