TPO30- Integrated writing

Essay topics:

TPO30- Integrated writing

The reading states that the story about Greeks’ use of burning mirrors in defending themselves against Roman’s ships is just a myth and the Greeks of Syracuse never built such a device. The reading gives three reasons of support. However, the professor says that the claims that burning mirror would not be in practical and technological are unconvincing and refutes each of the author’s reasons.

First, the passage claims that the ancient Greeks were not technologically advanced enough to make such device. The mirror would have to have a very precise parabolic curvature and a large sheet of Copper. The professor refutes this point by explaining that an experiment showed that dozen of a small sheet of copper could be arranged into a parabolic shape and form a large burning mirror.

Second, the reading states that the burning mirror would have a long time to set the ship on fire, it took ten minutes to set a wooden and unmoving object on fire. In contrast, the reading states that the Roman boats are not made just of wood. The boats made of other material to seal the spaces between the wooden boards called pitch. The pitch-catch the fire very quickly and once the pitch is burning, the fire would spread to wood even the ship is moving.

Third, the passage claims that the burning mirror does not look like an advancement than flaming arrows, which already existed in Greek civilization. The professor counters this point by explaining that the burning mirror is more effective than flaming arrows. The Roman could not see the mirror itself, but suddenly and surprisingly a fire starts at some an observed place on the ship.

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Average: 7 (2 votes)
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Sentence: The Roman could not see the mirror itself, but suddenly and surprisingly a fire starts at some an observed place on the ship.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular or plural is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to some and an

Sentence: Second, the reading states that the burning mirror would have a long time to set the ship on fire, it took ten minutes to set a wooden and unmoving object on fire.
Error: unmoving Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
It is wrong:
However, the professor says that the claims that burning mirror would not be in practical and technological are unconvincing and refutes each of the author’s reasons.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 13 12
No. of Words: 280 250
No. of Characters: 1332 1200
No. of Different Words: 139 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.091 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.757 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.387 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 61 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 30 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.538 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.344 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.462 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.368 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.597 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

It may confuse people:
However, the professor says that the claims that burning mirror would not be in practical and technological are unconvincing and refutes each of the author’s reasons.

better:
However, the professor says that the claims that burning mirror would not be practical technologically are unconvincing, and refutes each of the author’s reasons.