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Everything is fine. Remember:
Everything is fine. Remember: High marks = fluency + good content + more content. You don't have problem on fluency, you need to give good content and more content. More content means no duplicated content. while this is the issue for you now.
21 in 30
The second reason is not developed well. Don't repeat words, phrases and sentences.
after the reason 'make big money', need to continue why this major can 'make big money', then what are the advantages of 'make big money'