33 The following appeared in a memorandum from the planning department of an electric power company.
"Several recent surveys indicate that home owners are increasingly eager to conserve energy. At the same time, manufacturers are now marketing many home appliances, such as refrigerators and air conditioners, that are almost twice as energy efficient as those sold a decade ago. Also, new technologies for better home insulation and passive solar heating are readily available to reduce the energy needed for home heating. Therefore, the total demand for electricity in our area will not increase—and may decline slightly. Since our three electric generating plants in operation for the past twenty years have always met our needs, construction of new generating plants will not be necessary."
In this memo, the author asserts that new generating plants will be unnecessary for the reasons that home appliances are more energy efficient as well as new technologies reduce the energy required for heating houses. The argument seems plausible at the first glance, however, a close scrutiny reveals its untenability.
At the first place, the author mistakenly construct a disproportional relation between energy efficiency and the total demand of electricity. The total demand of electricity is determined not only by energy efficiency of these two home appliances, it also depends on the number of these appliances, as well as the usage of other home appliances or factory facilities. Increasing number of refrigerators and air conditioners, more demand of other electric home facilities, or increasingly energy-consume factories could cause more demanding ot electricity in the next several years. Withour ruling out these factors, the author cannot conclude the new generating plants will be useless.
Secondly, if we assump that the home appliances such as refrigerators and air conditioners are the only variables of the demand of electricity, we cannot claim that less electricity will be needed, either. It is a strong possibility that the weather would be so severe in next few years that the effect of new technology is cancelled. Thus, there is no doubt that the demand of electricity would increase under this circumstance. Additionally, since high-efficiency applicances save more money, the shopping malls would use refrigerators and air conditioners more frequently. This also would causes more demand of electricity.
Thirdly, although the existed three generating plants met the needs for the past twenty years, the author cannot guarantee whether these plants can work normally as before. If one of three plants does not work and no more plant could compensate, the whole city would be at risk. Suppose that there is no more demand of electricity, without the condition of three existed generating plants, it is unjustifiable to say that the existed plants are enough.
In conclusion, the author fails to prove that new generating plants are unnecessary, at least bases on the memo. To make the argument more persuasive, the author should provide more information about the number of home appliance and corresponding efficiency, as well as the energy consumed by factories. More statistics about the condition of present three generating plants are also appreciated.
Sentence: This also would causes more demand of electricity.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to would and causes
Sentence: Increasing number of refrigerators and air conditioners, more demand of other electric home facilities, or increasingly energy-consume factories could cause more demanding ot electricity in the next several years.
Error: ot Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Secondly, if we assump that the home appliances such as refrigerators and air conditioners are the only variables of the demand of electricity, we cannot claim that less electricity will be needed, either.
Error: assump Suggestion: assume
Sentence: Additionally, since high-efficiency applicances save more money, the shopping malls would use refrigerators and air conditioners more frequently.
Error: applicances Suggestion: appliances
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK. need to argue here:
At the same time, manufacturers are now marketing many home appliances, such as refrigerators and air conditioners, that are almost twice as energy efficient as those sold a decade ago. Also, new technologies for better home insulation and passive solar heating are readily available to reduce the energy needed for home heating.
suggested:
There is no guarantee that those general consumers are going to replace their old appliances with the new energy efficient appliances. Here the author assumed that all current consumers are using energy efficient appliances which may be incorrect. The new technologies like better home insulation and passive solar heating may be energy efficient but it does not readily imply that the consumer are going to buy it unless they are with in their budget.
argument 3 -- not OK
suggested:
the author did not take other serious factor such as increasing population for consideration. If the population is increasing then naturally the electric consumption will surely increase.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 388 350
No. of Characters: 2054 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.438 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.294 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.001 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 67 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.183 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.378 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.608 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.122 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5