The following appeared in a memo to the board of directors of Bargain Brand Cereals."One year ago we introduced our first product, Bargain Brand breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies.

The author of this statement recommends the Bargain Brand to expand its business with other low-priced food products after its successful story in selling cereal. While it may be true that the company had a successful year in selling their cereal product, the whole statement is deluged with assumptions and injudiciousness.

In citation of the memo, author has mentioned that their first low-priced product was introduced a year ago and quickly it became prevalence among the customers, but he lacked in mentioning about same range of sales till the end of the year. Customers might have been excited at the beginning and started buying their product just for the trial reason, that’s why there was rapid augmentation in sales.

Similarly, the author alluded that many customers detached from the top-selling cereal companies in order to join the list of customers of Bargain Brand, but there is no specific statistics of the customers. The word “many” is de facto vague in the sense at this world of competitive markets. Paradoxically, the author states that there is heated competition between the rival cereal companies and also mentions that the Bargain Brand are not under any duress to increase the marked price for the sake of profit, which concludes that they are not making salubrious profit from the cereal product.

In the retaliation of statement, for recommendation on expansion of business by marketing of other low-priced food products, it may be true that the customers are lured towards their high quality cereal in moderate price. The “recommendation” could be severely weakened if the company fails to maintain the same quality assurance in other products balancing with cheaper expense. And, the repercussion could seriously deteriorate the image of the Bargain Brand Company – producer of low-priced high “quality” cereal.

Nonetheless, if the business is going as per the plan with marginal profit, then it’s a really marvelous notion to gradually expand its business with the inoculation of other low-priced product.

Lastly, in order to instigate the augmentation of business, the company linchpins should successful survey about the market and its scope with every minute detail in mind; otherwise the ramification could be devastating, eventually exhorting the company to flag for the bankruptcy.

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Essay Categories

argument 1 -- Not OK. You don't refer something new. 'Customers might have been excited at the beginning and started buying their product just for the trial reason,'

argument 2 -- what's wrong with 'many'?

argument 3 -- OK but not because of 'recommendation'. Better: While the same brand value the Cereal has created for the company might not guarantee the success of other products for the following reason.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 367 350
No. of Characters: 1915 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.377 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.218 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.79 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.583 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.587 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.377 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.722 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5