The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses Last year however all of the

In the memo, the author claims that the best way to improve profits in all of stores is to discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. Because from a recent survey by cheeses of the World magazine and from last year selling records of their stores, the author believes that people are preferring domestic cheeses than imported cheeses. This extrapolation looks seemingly plausible at first glance, but if we deliberately think about all the evidences that author has cited, we can find many loopholes among them.

At the beginning, the author declares that all the five best selling cheeses at their newest store were domestic cheeses. But the author doesn’t specify whether domestic cheeses make the most profits or not last year. It could be possible that even if they sold more domestic cheeses than imported cheeses, but because domestic cheeses are so common in their country that the price are very low along with the profits by selling them, their stores would make more profits from imported cheeses in adverse last year.

Later, the author cites a survey by Cheeses of the world magazine indicating the preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. But the author may have forgotten to consider the discrepancy between their customers and the subscribers of the magazine. So the outcome of survey can’t be used to decide what kinds of cheese will their customers buy in the end. It could be possible that the aim population of chees customers has much bigger range than the one of magazine subscribers.

In the end, the author suggests their stores to concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses so that they can make more profit in the future. Even suggesting that domestic cheeses are the most profitable at present, the author may has ignored some basic economics principles. If their stores stock too much domestic cheeses, the glut of domestic cheeses supplied in the market right now will cause the shrink of price along with the profit in the future. In adverse, because the lack of imported cheeses in the market, their price will rise along with the profit.

Thus, the author hasn’t given a very persuasive suggestion from the evidence he provides, because the conclusion of author is basing on too many unproven assumptions. Additional profound investigations, such as surveys among real customers but not magazine subscribes, should be conducted before we can give a cogent result.

Votes
Average: 7.5 (3 votes)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 349, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...stores, the author believes that people are preferring domestic cheeses than imported cheeses....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, look, may, so, thus, such as

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2098.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 407.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.15479115479 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49157444576 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60788097305 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 187.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.459459459459 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 644.4 705.55239521 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.471057884232 0% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 48.1806091052 57.8364921388 83% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.125 119.503703932 110% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4375 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.75 5.70786347227 48% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.24331405968 0.218282227539 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0959114099105 0.0743258471296 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0765617335153 0.0701772020484 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.149716681618 0.128457276422 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0939320319252 0.0628817314937 149% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.89 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.