The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores.
“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the following memorendum by the Owner of Movie Galore he tries to explain the new policy that will help the firm to get by an unwanted develeopment in their feild of operation which is video retail bussiness or more specifically a chain video rental stores. In the owner’s memo, there are more than a few unclear assumptions which should be cleared in order to make the letter more productive and a good bussiness memo. Business languge should be clearer. This memo is an example of unclear bussiness memo and communication. Here are essential points that the author of the memo should improve and essential questions the author should answer.
First, it is unclear how much the changes in the franchise the owner refres were productive. The owner says only that costs were “signficantly decreased” in operations. But, in bussiness there is much a call for a quantitative information. And surely, the other franchise managers/owners could be helped with a more specific information of how much is “significant” really is. An improved version would include specific numbers and also the explanation of motiviation to shut the operation in the given hours particularly instead of other hours.
Further, there is an assumption that changes in one franchise are automatically transferable to another one. This is many a times not the case at all. Every store has its own mechanics of operations and its own particularities which the people who are in-charge of it must operate and manage. It is not clear what the owner ment by “similiar” changes which referred in the passage. Does the author means same hours of store operation or does the author means cutting the stock of old movies or both? And yet it is also unclear if such changes will be productive in any other store because each store has it’s own story and there is not enough information about how and why such changes like in the first store should work out well in all the other ones.
Finally, there is an issue of bussiness vialbilty, we know that video rentals is a bussines that due to a massive disruption from online retailers such as Netflix and other direct online companies that stream videos. However we do not know were are the franchises located. Had we known the distance, the better advice might have been to merge few of the shops into one and become a botique video shop in order not to inccure further operational losses on the massive disruption.
To conclude, there are many questions that could lead the bussines owner of Movie Galore to be more specific and prompt in the memorandum. There should be an effort to quantify the data and be more percised in the communication with the store owners. We have discuss some but not all of the points which the owner should have sharpen in order to make a more viable adjustment to the bussines in the light of the massive and grand changes in their field of operation.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s particularly instead of other hours. Further, there is an assumption that cha...
^^^
Line 5, column 124, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a time' or simply 'times'?
Suggestion: a time; times
...nsferable to another one. This is many a times not the case at all. Every store has it...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 246, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...ts own particularities which the people who are in-charge of it must operate and manage...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 410, Rule ID: DOES_NP_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'mean'?
Suggestion: mean
...eferred in the passage. Does the author means same hours of store operation or does t...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 465, Rule ID: DOES_NP_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'mean'?
Suggestion: mean
...s of store operation or does the author means cutting the stock of old movies or both...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 218, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ct online companies that stream videos. However we do not know were are the fran...
^^
Line 7, column 220, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
... online companies that stream videos. However we do not know were are the franchises ...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 243, Rule ID: WERE_VBB[1]
Message: Did you mean 'where' or 'we'?
Suggestion: where; we
...stream videos. However we do not know were are the franchises located. Had we know...
^^^^
Line 8, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...onal losses on the massive disruption. To conclude, there are many questions th...
^^^
Line 9, column 260, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'discussed'.
Suggestion: discussed
...nication with the store owners. We have discuss some but not all of the points which th...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 281, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...re owners. We have discuss some but not all of the points which the owner should have shar...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 327, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'sharpened'.
Suggestion: sharpened
... the points which the owner should have sharpen in order to make a more viable adjustme...
^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'finally', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'really', 'so', 'well', 'such as']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.23835125448 0.25644967241 93% => OK
Verbs: 0.137992831541 0.15541462614 89% => OK
Adjectives: 0.10752688172 0.0836205057962 129% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0501792114695 0.0520304965353 96% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0268817204301 0.0272364105082 99% => OK
Prepositions: 0.0985663082437 0.125424944231 79% => OK
Participles: 0.0161290322581 0.0416121511921 39% => Some participles wanted.
Conjunctions: 2.9541956609 2.79052419416 106% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0232974910394 0.026700313972 87% => OK
Particles: 0.00179211469534 0.001811407834 99% => OK
Determiners: 0.120071684588 0.113004496875 106% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0250896057348 0.0255425247493 98% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0286738351254 0.0127820249294 224% => Maybe 'Which' is overused. If other WH_determiners like 'Who, What, Whom, Whose...' are used too in sentences, then there are no issues.
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2952.0 2731.13054187 108% => OK
No of words: 501.0 446.07635468 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.89221556886 6.12365571057 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73107062784 4.57801047555 103% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.307385229541 0.378187486979 81% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.231536926148 0.287650121315 80% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.151696606786 0.208842608468 73% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.117764471058 0.135150697306 87% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9541956609 2.79052419416 106% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 207.018472906 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.473053892216 0.469332199767 101% => OK
Word variations: 54.6777639517 52.1807786196 105% => OK
How many sentences: 22.0 20.039408867 110% => OK
Sentence length: 22.7727272727 23.2022227129 98% => OK
Sentence length SD: 64.8162055035 57.7814097925 112% => OK
Chars per sentence: 134.181818182 141.986410481 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7727272727 23.2022227129 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.454545454545 0.724660767414 63% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.14285714286 97% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 3.58251231527 335% => Correct essay format wanted or double check grammar & spelling issues after essay writing.
Readability: 45.9264198875 51.9672348444 88% => OK
Elegance: 1.64166666667 1.8405768891 89% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.440908613794 0.441005458295 100% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.1098011577 0.135418324435 81% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0678442959485 0.0829849096947 82% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.530980059503 0.58762219726 90% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.167061919197 0.147661913831 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.167216873111 0.193483328276 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0930166259358 0.0970749176394 96% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.416062767859 0.42659136922 98% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.070230128673 0.0774707102158 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.300622261975 0.312017818177 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0435919070438 0.0698173142475 62% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.33743842365 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.87684729064 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.82512315271 187% => Less neutral sentences wanted.
Positive topic words: 7.0 6.46551724138 108% => OK
Negative topic words: 3.0 5.36822660099 56% => OK
Neutral topic words: 4.0 2.82389162562 142% => OK
Total topic words: 14.0 14.657635468 96% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.