The following is part of a memorandum from the president of Humana University.
"Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because instruction in the online programs takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow, and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased along with our budget deficit. To address these problems, Humana University will begin immediately to create and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni. We predict that instituting these online degree programs will help Humana both increase its total enrollment and solve its budget problems."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
In order to increase total enrollment and tackle Humana University(HU) budget problems, the originator of the argument proposes to actively tout online degree programs like those at Omni University (OU). The author buttressed this conclusion by evidence which should be carefully questioned in order to give a comprehensive estimation of the soundness of the argument.
The main evidence which is used to bolster the argument is that Omni University which is located nearby has managed to enhance its rate of enrollment in the online courses and at the same time cut its expenditures for dormitory and classroom space. However, this evidence should be scrutinized laboriously. Firstly, the 50 percent increase may sound as a significant one; however, how big or small the initial number of the students who enroll in the online courses in previous year? If the number is relatively small percentage of all students who study at OU, the increase does not have a significant effect on OU financial situation. Secondly, the author believes that the success of the online degree courses leads to the decrease in spending on dormitory and classrooms. However, it may be a mere coincidence and the main reason of the alteration was neglected by the writer, for instance, OU may found a new maintenance company which charge significantly less money for the service. In this case, the reduction of the expenditures does not connected with the online courses.
What is more, even if the success of OU is caused by the increase in the number of students who enrolled in online degree courses, the two universities may differ strikingly from each other and thus the action which leads to the positive aftermaths for the OU, may not bring the same result to HU. For example, HU may be well-known for its bright educational staff who famous in their fields, and thus many students decide to study at HU in order to be able to converse with these professors. Consequently, the fulfillment of the proposed policy may not have expected results.
Finally, the writer predicts that starting these online degree courses will tackle the HU problems such as its failure to grow and increase in cost of maintaining buildings. However, the proposed idea may not address the root of the problem. For instance, HU may have a plethora of the problems from obsolete laboratory equipment to weak educational staff and educational programs which give specializations on which alumnae hardly may find a decent job; in this case, the online programs will not improve the current situation and thus enrollment will not skyrocket as the author believes. Thus the money which are so needed for its budget will not be acquired.
In conclusion, the argument claims that repetition of the experience of OU will solve difficulties with which HU has faced; however, the author failed to demonstrate that the success on OU is due to its online programs and that it is reasonable to extrapolate the experience of OU on HU.
Comments
Thank you for your feed back.
Thank you for your feed back.
I try to improve the essay, consequenlty I argue against the part of the prompt which I missed.
'In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow, and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased along with our budget deficit.'
Additionally to it, the writer maintains that HU has failed to grow and the expenditures of maintaining buildings have increased at the same time the deficit has worsened. Perhaps the HU has reached its limitations and it simply cannot accept more students, in this case, the failure to grow is not a sign of decline. Moreover, the writer avers that the cost of maintenance has enhanced as well as budget deficit. But does the expenditures have a significant impact on the deficit? Probably, the maintenance costs only a small part of the HU’s budget and thus it cannot appreciably affect on it. In other words, author’s assumption that the HU in the decline and that maintenance expends are the root of the HU’s problem are unwarranted.
1) Is this argument correct?
2) Do I miss anything?
Thank you.
staff who famous in their fields
staff who are famous in their fields
Sentence: However, it may be a mere coincidence and the main reason of the alteration was neglected by the writer, for instance, OU may found a new maintenance company which charge significantly less money for the service.
Description: The word found is not usually used as a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to found
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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flaws:
forgot to argue this:
'In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow, and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased along with our budget deficit.'
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 496 350
No. of Characters: 2436 1500
No. of Different Words: 216 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.719 4.7
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 14.626 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.355 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.558 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.072 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5