At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resume's and interviewing skills
The author in the above argument concludes that Mira Vista college should offer more business and computer courses and hire job counsellors to achieve a high employability rate like in the case of Green Mountain college. To support this conclusion the authors provides evidence about the higher employability rate in Green Mountain College than Mira Vista College, the reason citied by the author for this deviation is due to the fact that Green mountain college had more business courses and more job counsellors than mira vista college. Also the seniors who were employed were given a job only three months after their graduation and half of them were not employed in their major field of study. The evidences citied are not substantial enough to support the argument and are slightly flawed and incomplete.
The author assumes that more courses in business and more job counsellors contributed to the increase in the number of employed seniors of Green Mountain College. The assumption stated is flawed as there is no direct consequence of the job counsellors on the employability rather it maybe due to high reputation of the college or its repute of producing high performance employers that drove the companies to employ a larger chunk than Mira Vista College. Also it might be the case that the job offered could have not been related to extra business courses offered.
Further the author assumes that 90 percent of the students employed of Green Mountain College are far greater than the 70 percent employed of that of Mira Vista College. Firstly, there is no mention about the number of students in each college it could be the case that the former had about 1000 students while the latter might have had 2000 students under them, if that is the case the assumption would be flawed. Secondly, there is no mention about the company offered to the students and its salary or employee benefits. It might be the case that students of Mira college got into far more prestigious companies than Green mountain college.
Lastly, the author assumes that employment offered to half of the students was not related to their field of study and also that the students were given jobs only three months after graduation. Half of the students in this case maybe wanted a job not related to their field of study or they might have got higher pay package in that field , which they might have preferred. Also there is no mention about the field of jobs given to students of Green Mountain College nor the duration up to which they have to wait until they get fully employed.
The argument could have strengthen by providing more data on jobs offered to students as result of the courses or counsellors , also data on the number of students in each college should have provided for an accurate analysis. There should also been a survey about the field of job which the students of both the colleges prefer to take. These few alterations would have helped strengthen the argument of the author.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 540, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ob counsellors than mira vista college. Also the seniors who were employed were give...
^^^^
Line 1, column 811, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...and are slightly flawed and incomplete. The author assumes that more courses in ...
^^^
Line 2, column 164, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...oyed seniors of Green Mountain College. The assumption stated is flawed as there is...
^^^
Line 2, column 457, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...a larger chunk than Mira Vista College. Also it might be the case that the job offer...
^^^^
Line 4, column 338, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ave got higher pay package in that field , which they might have preferred. Also t...
^^
Line 4, column 374, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ield , which they might have preferred. Also there is no mention about the field of ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 25, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'strengthened'.
Suggestion: strengthened
...ully employed. The argument could have strengthen by providing more data on jobs offered ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 126, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... as result of the courses or counsellors , also data on the number of students in ...
^^
Line 5, column 417, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... strengthen the argument of the author.
^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'first', 'firstly', 'if', 'lastly', 'may', 'second', 'secondly', 'so', 'then', 'while']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.294007490637 0.25644967241 115% => OK
Verbs: 0.153558052434 0.15541462614 99% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0543071161049 0.0836205057962 65% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0468164794007 0.0520304965353 90% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0299625468165 0.0272364105082 110% => OK
Prepositions: 0.13670411985 0.125424944231 109% => OK
Participles: 0.0543071161049 0.0416121511921 131% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.45354482375 2.79052419416 88% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0318352059925 0.026700313972 119% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.001811407834 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.125468164794 0.113004496875 111% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0243445692884 0.0255425247493 95% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.00936329588015 0.0127820249294 73% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2992.0 2731.13054187 110% => OK
No of words: 512.0 446.07635468 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.84375 6.12365571057 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75682846001 4.57801047555 104% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.326171875 0.378187486979 86% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.255859375 0.287650121315 89% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.173828125 0.208842608468 83% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.072265625 0.135150697306 53% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45354482375 2.79052419416 88% => OK
Unique words: 179.0 207.018472906 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.349609375 0.469332199767 74% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 40.0686663151 52.1807786196 77% => OK
How many sentences: 17.0 20.039408867 85% => OK
Sentence length: 30.1176470588 23.2022227129 130% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.5510049965 57.7814097925 113% => OK
Chars per sentence: 176.0 141.986410481 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.1176470588 23.2022227129 130% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.705882352941 0.724660767414 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.14285714286 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 3.58251231527 251% => Correct essay format wanted or double check grammar & spelling issues after essay writing.
Readability: 55.7035845588 51.9672348444 107% => OK
Elegance: 2.10569105691 1.8405768891 114% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.202778034959 0.441005458295 46% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.1734214377 0.135418324435 128% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.113134872388 0.0829849096947 136% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.672668738738 0.58762219726 114% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.123647015612 0.147661913831 84% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.113704459639 0.193483328276 59% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0927217876208 0.0970749176394 96% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.555882166107 0.42659136922 130% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0703061880872 0.0774707102158 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.156008603855 0.312017818177 50% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0735800667374 0.0698173142475 105% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.33743842365 60% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.87684729064 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.82512315271 124% => OK
Positive topic words: 5.0 6.46551724138 77% => OK
Negative topic words: 6.0 5.36822660099 112% => OK
Neutral topic words: 5.0 2.82389162562 177% => OK
Total topic words: 16.0 14.657635468 109% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.