For the past six years, Coach Mauro has been the football coach at Silver Lake High School, and during that time the football team from Silver Lake High has won three national football championships. In addition, the number of fans attending each football game has increased dramatically, and the concession stands are bringing in significantly more money. Due to such success at Silver Lake High, the Utica school board should hire Coach Mauro to organize and manage all high school football programs for the entire Utica school system.
The author believes that hiring Coach Mauro, the 6-year ago hired Silver Lake High school's football team, who has made the team prosperous in 3 national football championships, would be the best way to guarantee the success of Utica school football team. What has been argued would seem cogent at first glance; however, by looking elaborately, we would encounter with lots of lacunas.
The first thing that should be considered more, by the author is that what has happened in Silver lake school, refers to six years ago. Maybe it refers to the time that the couch was much younger, and more energetic. There is no evidence to prove that he is able to handle and manage the team as the way he has done during the past 6 years. Or maybe his age will not let him be a couch anymore. What is more, there is not any evidence that he would accept this offer. Therefore, the bleak picture of the author's mind should be more painted on.
Furthermore, the author said that the couch has culminated the team in winning three national football championships, but he has ignored the other possible sides. There is a possibility that they have won because of the good playing of the players, not just the coach. It is also probable that in that time their contestants have been so weak or because of lots of unknown situations they have won. By and large we cannot discernibly prove that their progression has been just because of the presence of the Coach Mauro. So this doubt should be also cast on.
Additionally the arguer believes that the number of fans attending each football game has increased dramatically, and the concession stand is bringing more money. At first he has mentioned that the attendance number has increased, but he has not offered any statistics, and any authentic reports. There is no evidence to show the amount of increase, and it is not obvious whether mentioned increase in significant or not. Additionally, he has ignored the other reasons that culminated in increasing their numbers. He also said that this increase would cause more money, but having more fans does not mean that everyone would invest on their beloved team or spend money, even for watching their games, on stadiums. People would prefer watching games on TV. So, all that have been mentioned, would not prove the authors assumption.
To wrap up, the author was not able to offer a convincing and well analyzed notion. As the result more light should be shed on his argument.
argument 1 -- not OK. It is not for six years ago, but in six years.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. suggested: There may be other reasons for increase in number of fans like the team is playing well and there are may be more sponsor’s for the team.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 429 350
No. of Characters: 1985 1500
No. of Different Words: 207 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.551 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.627 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.416 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.371 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.3 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.15 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5