You normally go shopping in the area where you live. However, you think some of facilities for shoppers could be improved.
Write a letter to your local newspaper. In your letter:
Say in general what you like about shopping in your area.
Say what is wrong with the facilities
Suggest how they could be improved
Begin your letter as follows: ‘dear Sir / Madam. You should write at least 150 words.
Dear, Sir / Madam
I normally go shopping at the mall in my area because it is near from my home, reasonably price, comfortable, and it has good atmosphere.
There are, however, several of deficiencies which I think should be changed. Firstly, the condition at the mall looks not clean enough although the cleaning service try to keep the floor and the window, there are not enough to make visitors felt comfortable. Moreover, since the mall change the management system, visitors look confuse where they must to pay because the position of cashier changed. Unfortunately, some visitors feel not comfortable anymore. Also, there are number of visitors who cannot wait anymore should past the queue, which is very annoying for the other visitors.
I think it would be a little changed for management and sanitation for environment in mall. Also, in every corner of mall should put garbage for visitors who want to throw their rubbish after eating their food or snacks. Finally, the cleaners of mall should keep observe of floor at mall.
Yours faithfully,
Bayu Notonegoro
Sentence: I normally go shopping at the mall in my area because it is near from my home, reasonably price, comfortable, and it has good atmosphere.
Description: The fragment , reasonably price is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace reasonably with adjective
Sentence: There are, however, several of deficiencies which I think should be changed.
Description: A verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive is not usually followed by a modal auxillary
Suggestion: Refer to think and should
Sentence: Firstly, the condition at the mall looks not clean enough although the cleaning service try to keep the floor and the window, there are not enough to make visitors felt comfortable.
Description: The fragment service try to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace try with verb, past tense
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 170 200
No. of Characters: 822 1000
No. of Different Words: 101 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.611 3.7
Average Word Length: 4.835 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.499 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 58 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 43 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 12 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.187 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.418 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.603 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.081 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4