Eight Provinces with its Overseas Graduates (re-write)

Essay topics:

Eight Provinces with its Overseas Graduates (re-write)

Given is the bar chart showing the percentage of international graduates at Canadian universities between 2001 and 2006.

According to the graph, in 2001, the graduation percentages from 8 provinces in Canada were only between 3 and 7 where the least came from Ontario and the highest came from New Brunswick. However, in 2006 there was a significant increase of graduate number in almost all regions (between 4.5% and almost 12%). New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Quebec, and Alberta achieved the 4 most excellent total international graduations in 2001, whereas in 2006, British Columbia entered that group substituting Alberta, and took the second highest number. However, its last number was just slightly different to Nova Scotia.

A more detailed look at the bar graph shows in 2006, Ontario which in the previous year was the least increased to 6 percent, reached the same number of Quebec in its first informed year. Furthermore, New Brunswick which was always in the first top rank stood at 7% then increased to almost 12%. In contrast, shocking change happened in Alberta which its graduated number was decrease in the next 5 years from 4.9% to 4.1%. In addition, Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador always has the same students in both 2001 and 2006 (from just under 4% to 7%).

Overall, the maximum overseas graduated student growth happened on British Columbia’s students, while the minimum was Alberta (it was even decreased).

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Average: 7 (1 vote)

Comments

the maximum overseas graduated student growth happened on British Columbia’s students, while the minimum was Alberta
the maximum overseas growth for graduated students happened on British Columbia, while the minimum was on Alberta

Sentence: New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Quebec, and Alberta achieved the 4 most excellent total international graduations in 2001, whereas in 2006, British Columbia entered that group substituting Alberta, and took the second highest number.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to total and international

flaws:
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
No. of Words: 235 200

Well, the essay is not well organized.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 235 200
No. of Characters: 1160 1000
No. of Different Words: 128 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.915 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.936 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.68 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 88 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.352 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.397 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.64 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4