The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five-year period.

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The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five-year period.

Submitted by snasirova on Tue, 07/22/2014 - 07:34

The graph illustrates the amount of money wasted on various patterns of entertainment during five year, beginning fomr 1995 till 2000 in the US? Europe and Asia. According to the data, it can be clearly seen that money spent to different types of entertainment more than Europe and Asia.

Firstly, the total expenditure of entertainment was 67 $ billion in 1995 and it was gradually climbing to 110$ billion in 2000 in Asia.

Compared the information about Europe, it could be made a decision that there was only 34$billion increase and a quantity of money spent on cinema, video and music did not drastically change, whereas the rise of publishing clearly noticed during these five years.

Amount of money used up to entertainment in the US was high in every period, but, while comparing this certain span of years, the level of cinema, video and music stayed with only slight changes, publishing was drastically up and television did not encounter with any changes, consequently, entertainment was utilized 257$ billion totally in 2000.

Votes
Average: 6 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task I - IELTS Academic

Comments

that money spent to different types of entertainment more than Europe and Asia.
that money spent to different types of entertainment in US are more than that in Europe and Asia.

whereas the rise of publishing clearly noticed
whereas the rise of publishing is clearly noticed

Sentence: The graph illustrates the amount of money wasted on various patterns of entertainment during five year, beginning fomr 1995 till 2000 in the US?
Error: fomr Suggestion: from

flaws:
'television did not encounter with any changes' for US?

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 6 10
No. of Words: 172 200
No. of Characters: 841 1000
No. of Different Words: 97 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.621 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.89 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.784 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 55 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 41 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 27 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.026 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.491 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.818 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.184 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

The essay can get more marks if you didn't describe the graph wrongly.

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