Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

Essay topics: Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

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Technology has turned this world into a glabal village. Presently, increasingly roots of globlization is supposed to be a privilege for economy of world. By contrast, its darker side can not be underestimated. Here, this essay will account for both sides with my own perception.

There are manifold points to shore up former view. First and foremost, widespread establishment of multinational companies of developed nations in every nook and corner of world has surely uplifted economy of nations. For instance, a massive proportion of people are getting jobs to earn back and belly. Hence, per person income is on the rise, leading to economic well being. Besides this, exchange of hard currencies ...

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increasingly roots of globlization is supposed to be a privilege for economy of world
the increasing root of globalization is supposed to be a privilege for the economy of the world

it seems unjustifiable attitude towards developing countries.
it seems an unjustifiable attitude towards developing countries.

Sentence: Besides this, exchange of hard currencies, paying? hefty some of tax to host government by international companies, rising import and export between nations on account of glabalization have a gigantic contribution to world's economy.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, singular or plural
Suggestion: Refer to hefty and some

Sentence: Technology has turned this world into a glabal village.
Error: glabal Suggestion: global

Sentence: On the contrary, opposit wind is also in existence.
Error: opposit Suggestion: opposite

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 300 350
No. of Characters: 1584 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.162 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.28 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.107 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 122 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.76 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.266 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.498 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.022 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Ideas are OK, but Sentence-Sentence Coherence is not good enough:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.022 0.07

You don't try to tell a story in one sentence and them jump to another story. You can develop the story smoothly with more content.

and you don't need to put a lot of ideas in one paragraphs. one idea is enough but you need more argument. Like the pattern we recommended:

Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

This is because of your writing style. You put two or more ideas in one paragraph. Look at the second paragraph:

'widespread establishment of multinational companies of developed nations in every nook and corner of world has surely uplifted economy of nations. For instance, a massive proportion of people are getting jobs to earn back and belly. Hence, per person income is on the rise, leading to economic well being. Besides this, exchange of hard currencies, paying hefty some of tax to host government by international companies, rising import and export between nations on account of glabalization have a gigantic contribution to world's economy'.

this paragraph can separate more ideas:

idea 1:
widespread establishment of multinational companies of developed nations in every nook and corner of world has surely uplifted economy of nations. For instance, a massive proportion of people are getting jobs to earn back and belly. Hence, per person income is on the rise, leading to economic well being.

idea 2/3/4:
besides this, exchange of hard currencies, paying hefty some of tax to host government by international companies, rising import and export between nations on account of glabalization have a gigantic contribution to world's economy

It is not an issue, but it is not in the favor of essay E-rater.

You can read some GRE/GMAT essays, the way they used is in the favor of essay E-rater:
http://www.testbig.com/essay-categories/gmatgre

Tnxxx ,, Apart from only one way you recommended (reason 1 n all), ,

send me the best ideal styles to explain ideas according to you ??????

I mean if I have written one ideas with reason 1 some arguments +example+ small conclusion

THEN, how should be my way to form next ideas in same paragraph or may be in next paragraph to make coherence best to see ????

You may try this pattern:
---------------------------------------------------------------
Para 1: introduction. my choice: B (suppose you are going to support B not A).. agree or disagree.

Para 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages for A. First, one advantage of A (1-2 sentence). What is more, another advantage of A(1-2 sentence).

Para 3: Nevertheless, advantages of B. First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 4: moreover, reason 2 blabla... do the same thing like reason 1.

Para 5: Conclusion.
---------------------------------------------------------------
You don't necessarily follow this pattern. Try the one you like the most. But you can give your students more options.

ok grt ... the way I write ..like First reason+ example+ small conclusion . Next idea , simply explained + small conclusion .

do you think this is best to teach students ?????

I mean can I teach the students in the same way I write ???? or do I need some changes ? if necessary , do tell me?

As we talked about, the pattern is for those who are new in IELTS writing. By pattern they can quickly get the point and don't waste time on how to do the writing.

However, once they know the basic skills on essay writing, you should ask them forget about the pattern and have their own writing styles which fit them the most or they like the most.

So we don't see anything wrong if you tell them all patterns and let them make a choice. And we don't see one pattern is better than others. Maybe the pattern is good for GRE but not for IELTS, who knows.

The important thing is that after they know the patterns, they need to learn how to develop polished sentences, how to make sure there are no grammar issues, etc.

well u r ryt but in my experience , I have to deal with some very weak students who have no idea how to write ... so I have to build up styles to ensure their progress.

Tnxxx sir ..for your support and guidance

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