In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age.

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In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age.

When it comes to the issue of whether children should manage their money when they were young, it comes to a lot of controversy. If I was asked this question, I would totally agree with this statement and in the following essay I will provide evidence to support my opinion.

First and foremost, manage our own money is an essential skill for all kinds of people. If children could learn this at a young age, they may get lots of benefits from it. On the one hand, it will help them to know how to become independently people. One the other hand, it is good way to prepare their future. No one can deny that with children grew up , they may face more harder financial problems. If they have this opportunity to manage their own money when they were still at school, they may more easily to face these difficulties in the future.

In addition, with manage their own money , they can also manage their life. A research, in accordance with Shanghai Jiao Tong university, indicates that about 37 percent of children who do not manage their money in Shanghai. Their parents give them enough subsidies and do not limit them spend this money. If these children have the ability of self-control, they may do a good job about manage their money. However, if they cannot control themselves to spend money, what will happen? This may trend to be a severe consequence. It is my belief that both their parents and teachers should teach children how to manage their money. As their habits and characters have not built up, this will have a profound influence on these children .A typical example is that you can image that an adult could not change his/her habits easily.

To sum up, due to analysis mention above, we can safely conclude if children want to be a financial responsible man in the future, they must be trained to manage their money at very young age.

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it is good way
it is a good way

No one can deny that with children grew up ,
No one can deny that when children grew up ,

due to analysis mention above,
due to the analysis mentioned above,

at very young age.
at a very young age.

Sentence: In addition, with manage their own money , they can also manage their life.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to with and manage

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 332 350
No. of Characters: 1478 1500
No. of Different Words: 170 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.269 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.452 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.292 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 56 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 40 40
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.529 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.882 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.339 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5