Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer period. Which of these situation do you think is better ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Everyone needs someday to be independant and that feeling mostly comes when people get to the maturity. I consider that is it essential to live without parents in the beginning of twenties in order to learn by our ownself the meaning of what parents have told children during the whole adoleslent period to be aware of. Not only that, young adults need to take into consideration the great amount of new responsabilities they will have henceforth. As a matter of fact it is not only a question of independance though but also to realise the importance of living with family. I will try to demonstrate my point of view in the following paragraphs.
In every generation the issue is always the same in certain western countries : adolescent children often face to a deep period of depression due to a strong act of deny or lack of affection and love from parents. This is what they actually think : what parents want is them to be more careful in their decision in life and obedient. However children tend to be rebellious and easily reject ther advice because thay want to be free to think, free to act, in other words they want their independance. What they don't understand well is the collateral consequence as searching for a job, living alone and duties as paying taxes, school fee and tuition, maintiain a good rythym of life by being organized and making sensible decision based on experience... that's what they will also have to be aware of. Having our independance doesn't only imply bebing out of parents control it also mean to be mature and responsible.
By responsabilities it is yet highly important for a young adult to get the experience of being alone : there is not a better way to realise how tough it is to survive being dependant on our own decision. For instance a freshman can be a better student if he learn by himself how to manage his time and being more organized in his studies even if his seniors gives him advices, his experience will teach him a lot.
However it might be a difficult time for young adult while being alone and dependant on themself to not have the family support. That time they understand all what parents tought them and regret their mistakes. So to conclude it is not a wrong thing to be independant but they should keep in mind the consequences of their decisions and be prepare to solve issues with nobody's help.
Comments
Hello,
Hello,
I thank you for this evaluation. I will practise more.
I actually didn't have enough time to double check before submitting the essay so that might explain the mistakes as for verbs in third person with he or she and dependent etc...
I would like to know what shoud I do to crack TOEFL iBT in my level ?
You have good language and
You have good language and ideas. You only need better organizations. Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...
Para 5: Conclusion.
-----------------
An simple example (Eating at home or restaurant) for paragraph 2:
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentence: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).
Thank you very much, your
Thank you very much, your comment encourages me a lot !
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
Everyone needs someday to be independant...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nt of view in the following paragraphs In every generation the issue is always ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 94, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the same in certain western countries : adolescent children often face to a deep...
^^
Line 3, column 350, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...in their decision in life and obedient. However children tend to be rebellious and easi...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 914, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'means'?
Suggestion: means
...y bebing out of parents control it also mean to be mature and responsible. ...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...lso mean to be mature and responsible. By responsabilities it is yet highly imp...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 190, Rule ID: DEPENDENT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'dependent' on?
Suggestion: dependent
...ealise how tough it is to survive being dependant on our own decision. For instance a fre...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 274, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'learns'.
Suggestion: learns
... freshman can be a better student if he learn by himself how to manage his time and b...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
..., his experience will teach him a lot. However it might be a difficult time for...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 15, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ce will teach him a lot. However it might be a difficult time for young ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 90, Rule ID: DEPENDENT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'dependent' on?
Suggestion: dependent
...e for young adult while being alone and dependant on themself to not have the family supp...
^^^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'also', 'but', 'hence', 'however', 'if', 'so', 'well', 'while', 'for instance', 'as a matter of fact', 'in other words']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.213507625272 0.229887763892 93% => OK
Verbs: 0.178649237473 0.158761421928 113% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0849673202614 0.0866891130778 98% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0544662309368 0.046263068375 118% => OK
Pronouns: 0.078431372549 0.0685040099705 114% => OK
Prepositions: 0.119825708061 0.118717715034 101% => OK
Participles: 0.037037037037 0.0351676179071 105% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.79141351973 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0544662309368 0.0309702414327 176% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.00188951952338 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.0675381263617 0.0887237588012 76% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0152505446623 0.0209618222197 73% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0196078431373 0.0139019557991 141% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2437.0 2387.08602151 102% => OK
No of words: 421.0 408.028673835 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.78859857482 5.86048508987 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52971130743 4.48200974243 101% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.304038004751 0.338922669872 90% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.220902612827 0.251872472559 88% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.159144893112 0.174417080927 91% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.114014251781 0.112833075102 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79141351973 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 212.727598566 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.527315914489 0.524397521467 101% => OK
Word variations: 60.0268116061 59.2087087015 101% => OK
How many sentences: 14.0 20.6684587814 68% => OK
Sentence length: 30.0714285714 20.5533526081 146% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.3990931326 48.84282405 138% => OK
Chars per sentence: 174.071428571 120.699889404 144% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.0714285714 20.5533526081 146% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.857142857143 0.644075263715 133% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.5376344086 88% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.54480286738 198% => Correct essay format wanted or double check grammar & spelling issues after essay writing.
Readability: 52.1616898541 45.7405998639 114% => OK
Elegance: 1.18881118881 1.45489161554 82% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.285245975635 0.300154397459 95% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.126636130605 0.103427244359 122% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0493347107055 0.0752933317313 66% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.57378815547 0.497263757937 115% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.10329127759 0.151897553556 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.126754836287 0.114077575197 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0363618022109 0.0781384742642 47% => The sentences are too close to each other.
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.357376107883 0.336927656856 106% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.108036088604 0.067059652881 161% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.194625913972 0.210909579961 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0381236109102 0.0618886996521 62% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8870967742 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.86379928315 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.91756272401 20% => More neutral sentences wanted.
Positive topic words: 9.0 8.42114695341 107% => OK
Negative topic words: 3.0 2.4623655914 122% => OK
Neutral topic words: 1.0 2.75985663082 36% => OK
Total topic words: 13.0 13.6433691756 95% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.