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"If you could invent something new,what product would you develop?"


emiku19's picture

By emiku19 - Posted on 21 October 2012

Essay topic: 

"If you could invent something new,what product would you develop?"

Inventions are always welcome any time in any field. If I could invent something new I would invent a cure for cancer,so I will invent a pharmaceutical product that will cure cancer. Here are some reasons for this choice.

First of all I would like to invent this cure, because so many people have cancer lately and a lot of them are dying suffering so much because they don't have a medicine to cure them.

Secondly, because I'm a pharmacist and with my experience and with a lot of study and help this would be the greatest accomplishment in my carrier.

An other reason is that I'm a very sensitive to the suffering of other people specially of the small children.

Last reason but not at least, I like to help others in their need and this discovery is needed indeed. For instance few of my relatives have cancer, one of them has 6 kids.I feel so bad that I can not help them with a medicine to cure them, like I can help filling prescriptions for other patients.

In conclusion we always need new inventions in every field. My invention would be in a pharmaceutical field.Because these so many types of cancers are spread out all over the earth I believe that on top of being the best and the most needed invention on Earth now and for the future it will also be a great accomplishment in my pharmacist career.

Average: 7.6 (9 votes)
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emiku19's picture

Please rate and check this essay like in Toefl IBT EXAM!

essayE-rater's picture

flaws:
No. of Words: 248 350
No. of Characters: 1050 1500
No. of Different Words: 124 200

Write the essay with more vocabulary words.

and don't use one sentence as one paragraph.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 15 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 15
No. of Words: 248 350
No. of Characters: 1050 1500
No. of Different Words: 124 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.968 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.234 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.592 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 61 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 38 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 27 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.253 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.374 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.738 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5