I Belief Essay

This I learn
“And a day less or more, At sea or ashore, We die-does it matter when?” -Alfred Tennyson (1809 - 1892)

I stayed at home on Sunday and free my mind to remember one story. I slouched down in my chair trying to complete my homework, and my mind had a spontaneous question, “we die, does it matter when?” Seeing rain outside the window, I felt I have a long life while the precipitation imprisoned me inside the wooden house.

I had a busy life; everyday work hard and have a full-part-day study time. I never had time to free my mind to ruminate on what I believe in until my eighty-five-year-old grandmother departed her life away. She had Alzheimer`s disease for three years, but I neither took care nor visited her until she died in July 2013.

Stationary and inanimate in her bed, my grandmother Yurn conveyed to me a principle that is now my belief: it does matter when we die. It’s by spending your time with your family that you can elude from your future fretful.

Yurn closed her eyes and never opened them again. When I was a child, I said to my grandmother that I want her to stay with me and watch my potential accomplishment. Now it does not matter how many great accomplishments I have, she will not be able to see to fulfill her dream of seeing me reaching my true potential. I realized that I am a stupid man who think my tasks are important than my grandmother.

During that agonizing and depressing month, my memory constantly recapped about her. I could do nothing-just yell, cry, and remember. Meanwhile, that month offered me an opportunity to connect my long life’s journey with my enigmatic principle. In fact, I realized that my belief is consistent, and the way of life transforms. I had changed; I was not an independent young man I was a month ago. I needed my beloved relatives. I showed my firm smile, and I was hungry to learn from my mistakes.

The pain of losing my grandmother was my enlightening world. I could not throw the baggage within me and my sin even after I prayed in the pagoda. Because of Yurn, I could free myself from disillusioned dream, a dream of an independent man. Now I suffered from what I had done. But who cares? I care about it is enough.

I wish that I could turn back the time and fix my wrong decision. However, it is just an illusion like an American Dream. Therefore, when we die is important to me and others.

It matters because I can touch the spirit of my grandmother inside me, like an erudite enlightenment. I learned that I am not alone: I have a family and relatives. I learned from my failure the purpose of living.