On a recent holiday you lost a valuable item. Fortunately, you have travel insurance to cover the cost of anything lost. Write a letter to the manager of insurance company. In your letter •Describe the item you lost •Explain how you lost it •Tell the insu

Essay topics:

On a recent holiday you lost a valuable item. Fortunately, you have travel insurance to cover the cost of anything lost. Write a letter to the manager of insurance company. In your letter
• Describe the item you lost
• Explain how you lost it
• Tell the insurance company what you would like them to do

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter to you regarding my lost of a valuable item: ‘an Apple iPhone 4S of white color’, during the vacation time last week. Allow me to describe the whole situation for you.

7 days ago, I was in the London on a holiday trip with my family. At the June 27, a movie , Transformer : Age of Extinction, was being watched by us in a famous London cinema, then the cell phone slipped from my pocket on the theater’s sitting seat, and I was unaware about the happening of this unfortunate event, until we reached our hotel room. Then, the whole matter was come into my notice, and the enquiry was done by me immediately, but it was too late.

Given the circumstances, now, it would be greatly appreciated by me if your company could give the claim, which the price, 400$, of the mobile phone, as soon as possible, so that a new cell phone can be bought by me. I shall be very thankful to you for this.

Yours faithfully,
James Smith.

Votes
Average: 5.6 (15 votes)

Comments

the whole matter was come into my notice
the whole matter was coming into my notice

if your company could give the claim, which the price, 400$, of the mobile phone, as soon as possible
Description: can you re-write this sentence?

flaws:
Passive Voice is not recommended to use:
was being watched by us
the enquiry was done by me
it would be greatly appreciated by me
a new cell phone can be bought by me

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 180 200
No. of Characters: 745 1000
No. of Different Words: 124 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.663 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.139 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.333 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 39 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 26 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 16 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 11 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.656 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.346 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.724 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.14 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4

It is not OK either. Look, what is the great difference between 'I' and 'by me'?

You can use either 'I' or 'by me', but you will need to improve the language to use them as less as possible. Compare following two sentences and you will get an idea:

A: I like the car. The color of the car is red.
B: The read car strikes my heart.

Borrow books from library or search online and learn academic essay writing.