In the some countries young people are encourage to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting to work. Discuss advantage and disadvantage?

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In the some countries young people are encourage to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting to work.
Discuss advantage and disadvantage?

Mostly young people in the western countries, high school graduated, tend to work or travel. Moreover both affect to their next studies at university. That could be lead to advantage or disadvantage on their decision.

Firstly, American teenagers who decide to work, they can adapt into work habit then they can apply it into their next life in university. The expert young worker can manage that time perfectly because they mostly deal with crowded agenda, then planning time arrangement is their ability, as a result they would not upset with university environment. Even though the work ensures their management of time ability, study in university is only for secondary purpose after work.

Secondly, traveling decision provides many experiences for young people. The youth traveler will meet with new friend who has different background and language, so they can learn much more knowledge of different culture, as a result easy communicated occurs on his ability. But, unfortunately, disorientation occurs on the youth traveler while he wants to enter university, because he enjoys too much on his traveling. As NBC reported at 2002, the American youth travelers stuck in their journey and forget about their future purpose in university, because when they meet with foreign person who can persuade them to follow his ideology, than it could be change their aim.

Finally, although, work and traveling help young people to fill their free study-time with many activities which contribute on their experience, both destructs their goal into university. Therefore need to keep their own idea while they work or travel.

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Sentence: As NBC reported at 2002, the American youth travelers stuck in their journey and forget about their future purpose in university, because when they meet with foreign person who can persuade them to follow his ideology, than it could be change their aim.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to change and their
flaws:
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No. of Characters: 1330 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 258 350
No. of Characters: 1330 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200
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No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.492 7.5
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Number of Paragraphs: 4 5