"During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many accidents is fatigue caused by sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta, we recommend shortening each of our three work shifts by one hour. If we do this, our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the memo, the vice president of Alta Manufacturing concludes that the company should reduce the work shifts hour by an hour in order to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta. He comes to this conclusion, based on the expert’s conviction and difference between Alta Manufacturing and nearby industries work shifts hour. Though the conclusion seems strong, however, the author needs to answer these three questions to bolster the credibility of his argument.
First of all, is Alta Manufacturing similar to those Panoply industries? From the name “Panoply industries”, it looks like those industries are well equipped with suitable safety vessels or instrument which shield the workers from harm, thereby reducing the number of accident occurrence in those industries. Furthermore, it might also be possible that Alta Manufacturing is located at a higher risk environment than the other industries, which tends to expose the workers to more injuries. If any of the above scenarios proves true, then the author’s contention that the Panoply industries incurred less accident the preceding year because of a lesser work shift hour is seriously undermined.
Secondly, is the percent of on-the-job accidents at Alta Manufacturing recurrent? Maybe the high number of on-the-job accidents last year at Alta was as a result of some faulty equipment in the industry which they have already replaced. Additionally, it is also possible that Alta Manufacturing recruited many inexperienced workers last year, and this resulted to more on-the-job accident cases. Maybe the workers this year is better. If either of the cases above occurred at Alta, then the vice president’s conclusion is strongly hampered.
Finally, is the expert’s opinion that sleep deprivation which causes fatigue, is the main factor causing the accident accurate and reliable? Perhaps there was only one fatigue related accident at Alta and those experts generalize the idea and concluded base on it. Even if the workers experienced fatigue as a result of sleep deprivation, there is no evidence that shows that a causal relationship exist between fatigue and those on-the-job accidents at Alta Manufacturing. If any of the above scenarios is true, then the author’s argument that fatigue caused those on-the-job accidents at Alta last year is weakened.
In conclusion, the author may be correct in stating that a reduction in the work shifts hour at Alta Manufacturing would reduce the number of the on-the-job accidents. However, as it stands now, the author’s avouchment rests on three unwarranted assumptions that dramatically hinders its validity. If the author would like to increase the persuasiveness of his conclusion, he needs to answer the three questions above.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 430 350
No. of Characters: 2271 1500
No. of Different Words: 195 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.554 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.281 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.907 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 170 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 135 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 100 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 68 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.632 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.652 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.789 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.365 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.145 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 105, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'shifts'' or 'shift's'?
Suggestion: shifts'; shift's
...that the company should reduce the work shifts hour by an hour in order to reduce the ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 82, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'shifts'' or 'shift's'?
Suggestion: shifts'; shift's
...in stating that a reduction in the work shifts hour at Alta Manufacturing would reduce...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, look, may, second, secondly, so, then, well, in conclusion, in fact, as a result, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2340.0 2260.96107784 103% => OK
No of words: 430.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 5.44186046512 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55372829156 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.04793149941 2.78398813304 109% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 204.123752495 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.483720930233 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 728.1 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 48.0885609609 57.8364921388 83% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.157894737 119.503703932 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.6315789474 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.47368421053 5.70786347227 131% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.33396256327 0.218282227539 153% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.11332302934 0.0743258471296 152% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0711681435008 0.0701772020484 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.188512417416 0.128457276422 147% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0583874482928 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.57 12.5979740519 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.77 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 98.500998004 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.