The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
The director of student hosing at Buckingham College in a memo points out that Buckingham College should build a large number of new dormitories in order to serve the housing need of their students. To virify such a agurment, the author offers some reasons, which may seem tenable at first glance. With unwarranted assumptions and poor evidences, this argument fails to be wholley compelling as it stands.
To start with, a main peoblem in the author's point of view is that the author simply assume the Buckingham's enrollment will double over the next 50 years by the current trends. Since, the author does not provide any strong evidence to support this assumption, it is not unreaonable to question the author's agrument. If the author can provide evidence to refute some possible situations such as there will be another good college open in this area and more students would like to this new college ranther than the Buckingham College or the overall birth rate in this area will decrease in the next 50 years and then the number of students who need go to college will decrease as well. Then the validity of the author's conclusion will be significant strengthened.
Additionally, the author claims that students will find it's difficult to afford off-campus housing since the average rent of an apartment in their town has risen in recent year. There is no evidence to support such a causal relationship. If we can find evidence showing that the overall salary of students' parentes will also increase as the rent of apartment increse, therefore, these students can still afford the off-campus housing. Given this circumstance, the author's point of view will be untenable.
Finally, the author thinks that through building more new dormitories, students will more likely to enroll at Buckingham College. For this point, if there are some evidence shows that students are more care about the ability of teachers in this college when they consider about choosing college and dormitories are not an important factors in their consideration. For this situation, the author can't hold his/her point.
To sum up, there are, as I have presented before, a lot of obvious flaws that need to be addressed for lacking tenable evidence and sound reasoning. Otherwise, any impetus implementation of the auhor's conclusion might be backfire.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 385 350
No. of Characters: 1914 1500
No. of Different Words: 200 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.43 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.971 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.63 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.062 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.433 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.583 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 112, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...ut that Buckingham College should build a large number of new dormitories in order to serve the h...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 215, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... need of their students. To virify such a agurment, the author offers some reason...
^
Line 3, column 710, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...rease as well. Then the validity of the authors conclusion will be significant strength...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 333, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'factor'?
Suggestion: factor
...ge and dormitories are not an important factors in their consideration. For this situat...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 396, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...eration. For this situation, the author cant hold his/her point. To sum up, there...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, if, may, so, still, then, therefore, well, such as, to start with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1958.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 384.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.09895833333 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4267276788 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71807143512 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 199.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.518229166667 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 597.6 705.55239521 85% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 78.4111758616 57.8364921388 136% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.375 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.0 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.125 5.70786347227 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.274463660489 0.218282227539 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.086774645399 0.0743258471296 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.146960316791 0.0701772020484 209% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163959183427 0.128457276422 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.126412067478 0.0628817314937 201% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.6 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.36 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.