The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe."Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer,

This application provided several reasons to propose that the city of Monroe need a jazz music club. The evidences mentioned were the number of people attended the jazz festival last summer, the popular radio channel in this city and the identity of specific house owners. Although these evidences might present the popularity of jazz in Monroe, the developers have to provide further evidences to make this application more convincing.

To start with, the statement that jazz is popular in Monroe because there was a large amount of people attended the jazz festival last summer is inadequate. There are several flaws can be pointed in this claim. First, the identity of the attendees need to be specified. The percentage of tourist and citizens who joined this festival can lead a different perspective about building a jazz club in this city. Second, if this festival is an annual activity, the author should have engaged the number of attendees in the past few years. Also, it could be other factors that caused the high participation last summer, such as promotions, location or the duration of the event.

Furthermore, although the reviews can represent the taste of audiences, there is still a leap between the popularity of jazz and the necessary of building a jazz club. We were told that jazz is the highest-rated radio program, but the things we do not know make this argument unwarranted. First of all, we do not know the sources of this report. Second, if there was a survey, we need to know the way they employed it and what kind of questions had been asked. Moreover, only if the necessary of club is highly related to the result of the reviews, this argument can be convincing.

Finally, the number of musicians own the houses in Monroe does not represent the need of a jazz club in this city. This statement is insufficient if we have not been provide further evidences. The questions should be answered is: how many of jazz musicians really live in the city? What is the main reason for musicians to buy a house there? Who is the potential customer of the club, tourists, residents or musicians? How can it be a benefit of the club if any musician actually lives in this city?

In sum, the proposal of building a jazz club in Monroe is based on an assumption that “Jazz is popular in Monroe.” To construct a solid statement to propose the necessity of a jazz club, the developers have to provide more details about the numbers and rankings which were engaged in the article and feature those details in this statement.

Average: 5 (2 votes)
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Essays by the user:

argument 1 -- OK

argument 2 -- not OK. 'the highest-rate' is not equal to popular.

argument 3 -- OK

Always remember argue against the conclusion. For this topic it is:

Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 440 350
No. of Characters: 2046 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.58 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.65 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.541 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.902 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.591 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.102 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5