Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

In today's faced-paced and money-oriented world, money plays a vital role in everybody's life as well as orienting our thoughts. A controversial question regarding this issue is whether for getting a high mark in school and making progress, it is better that parents offer their children money or otherwise. Some people believe that this work has a number of disadvantages that leads to their children will grow up based on money, whereas others disagree. I am of the opinion that; this is not a good idea for encouraging children to get better marks in school for some reasons. In ensuing lines, I will address the most discernible reasons.

The first exquisite point that should be mentioned is that, by giving money for doing a favor e.g., getting a high mark in school, it gives rise to children be used to work for money no something else. Indeed, when a person gives money to his or her child to do a stuff, the child will be used to that in every circumstance must give money to help other. Also, by this work, we would grow up our children money-based without any charity. One of my relatives, for instance, have a son, and they gave money to his son in every condition to do a favor or get high mark in school. Thus, he was accustomed to give a worthy thing to obtain another thing, one day I was walking with his father and he in street, in the middle of the way we encountered with a homeless, and I asked the boy to give the homeless a bit money, but the son had refused my word and told me why I helped him, while he had done anything to me. As you can see, by this way our children would be growing up money-based.

Another noteworthy aspect that should be reflected in this explanation is that, by doing this, i.e., giving children for getting high mark, the children will not try to give herself or himself to learn in-depth what they would learn in school, they will just try to get a high mark to catch money. In fact, by this, they will not concentrate on class and school, this will give rise to learn not deeply. Take a personal experience as an example, back to when I was a child, my brother always induced me to get high score in my exams. Therefore, when I had caught high mark, he gave me money or a modern toy. Consequently, I was just studying for getting high mark in every way, and did not focus on what I was learning. This experience taught me, by giving money to children they will not learn deeply.

In light of these crucial reasons, I have strictly come to believe that, giving children money in order to do a thing, we will not allow them to stand in his or her feet. Given the above, giving money to children not only causes to grow up money-based that it is not morality, but also brings about that cannot learn deeply and concentrate on what they are learning in school. that is why I believe that it is not a nice idea to give children money to get high mark in school.

Average: 7.1 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 591, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[4]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'accustomed to giving'.
Suggestion: accustomed to giving
...r get high mark in school. Thus, he was accustomed to give a worthy thing to obtain another thing,...
Line 7, column 378, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: That
...te on what they are learning in school. that is why I believe that it is not a nice ...

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, e.g., first, if, regarding, so, therefore, thus, well, whereas, while, another thing, for instance, in fact, as well as

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 15.1003584229 126% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 9.8082437276 173% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 13.8261648746 123% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 78.0 43.0788530466 181% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 76.0 52.1666666667 146% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2376.0 1977.66487455 120% => OK
No of words: 544.0 407.700716846 133% => OK
Chars per words: 4.36764705882 4.8611393121 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.82947280553 4.48103885553 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.44889095988 2.67179642975 92% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 212.727598566 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.435661764706 0.524837075471 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 724.5 618.680645161 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.3 1.51630824373 86% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 17.0 9.59856630824 177% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 11.0 4.94265232975 223% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 20.6003584229 97% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 20.1344086022 134% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 70.206908492 48.9658058833 143% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.8 100.406767564 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.2 20.6045352989 132% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.2 5.45110844103 132% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.415952268997 0.236089414692 176% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.156886146128 0.076458572812 205% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.115799056388 0.0737576698707 157% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.291892697959 0.150856017488 193% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0676349317866 0.0645574589148 105% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 11.7677419355 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 69.45 58.1214874552 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 8.36 10.9000537634 77% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.24 8.01818996416 90% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 86.8835125448 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 10.0537634409 127% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?

Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 71.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.5 Out of 30
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.