Integrated task for the TOEFL

Essay topics:

Integrated task for the TOEFL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hKJTJv4bjY

My response:

The reading passage presents some flaws in the current voting system in the United States, and states that is is inefficient and inaccurate system for vote counting. However, the lecturer casts doubt on each of the points made in the reading passage and states that the computer system is not trustful.

To begin with, the reading passage mentions that the traditional system of voting is a major source of inaccuracy because people with poor eye sighting may accidentally vote for the wrong candidate as they have to find the name of the candidate on the paper. However, the lecturer asserts that humans can make mistakes using computers also. Many people may not have used computers in their lives before. They can make mistakes in voting for a candidate in a fear of using a new technology. This directly challenges the information stated in the reading passage.

In addition, the reading passage points out that the procedure of vote counting is done by humans in the old system. Thus, there are great chances of making errors by humans in this process. However, the lecturer mentions that all computer programs are made by humans, so there is a possibility of making a mistake in counting by computers. Furthermore, the lecture states that there is no physical record of voting in the computer system, and if there is an error in computers calculations, it would be a big mistake. This disputes the point that is made in the reading passage.

Last but not least, the reading passage states that computer system is trust worthy as people use this system for their banking transaction and communication of the sensitive information. However, the lecturer points out that the computers system for banking is used for the daily basis, so people can trust on it. On the other hand, the computer system for voting is very new, and it is used every two years in the United States and twice a year for the local election, so we cannot trust it. This appears to be a contradiction to the assertion stated in the reading passage.

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and states that is is inefficient and inaccurate system for vote counting.
and states that it is an inefficient and inaccurate system for vote counting.

flaws:
No. of Words: 346 250

Around 250 words wanted and need to remove duplicate words.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 12
No. of Words: 346 250
No. of Characters: 1675 1200
No. of Different Words: 152 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.705 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.518 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.778 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.932 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.602 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4