In this set of materials, both the reading passage and the lecture discussed clay jars that had been excavated recently near Iraq and the proposal, which said that they were used as batteries in ancient times. The reading firmly criticized that statement and provided three reasons of support; however, the professor repudiated what stated in the reading resting upon fallacious premises and provides three counterclaims proofing that the copper cylinders surrounded an iron rods might have been used as batteries.
Firstly, the reading claimed that as scientists were not able to find metal wires in excavations that have to be used as electricity conductors, if founded vessels were used as batteries; they probably have other purposes. The professor contradicted this point by acknowledging that local people have found those clay jars, so that they might find some wires but as they seemed unimportant to ordinaries, they have thrown them away.
Secondly, the article argued that those excavated jars are identical to the copper cylinders, found in a place nearby, that were used for holding scrolls of sacred text not generating electricity. Notwithstanding, the professor highlighted that this discovery prove nothing, as copper cylinders could be easily transmitted to batteries by adding some liquid inside them.
Lastly, the article contended that, as there were no devices to use that generated electricity power, so that batteries were not applicable at all. This seemed to be incorrect as explained in the reading. The speaker articulated that batteries are able to provide mild shocks, and there are some testimonies, which prove that batteries were widely used by ancient doctors for releasing patients' pain.
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the article argued that those
the article argued that those excavated jars are identical to the copper cylinders, that have been found in a place nearby and merely were they used for holding scrolls of sacred text not generating electricity.
Is it OK now?
you can't put a comma ','
you can't put a comma ',' before that, like:
to the copper cylinders, that have been found
it should be:
to the copper cylinders that have been found
to the copper cylinders which have been found
you can put a comma ',' before 'which' however
they might find some wires but as they seemed unimportant to ordinaries, they have thrown them away.
Description: 'them, they' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronouns.
are identical to the copper cylinders, found in a place nearby, that were used for holding scrolls
Description: 'that' is not used properly here. can you re-write this sentence?
this discovery prove nothing
this discovery proves nothing
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 12
No. of Words: 269 250
No. of Characters: 1423 1200
No. of Different Words: 146 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.05 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.29 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.711 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 83 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.171 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.432 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.692 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.134 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4