please assess this writing task 1. e-grader gave 1.0 band. I need someone to check it please.

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The given pie charts represent the percentage of male and female in terms of occupation in Great Britain in 1992.

Overall, Management and professional and other manual jobs were preferred by both sexes. However, females also preferred clerical or relaxed jobs but males were more interested in occupations like craft or similar.

It is evident that, males dominated managerial and professional jobs accounting 36% whereas it was 29% in case of females. Other manual jobs were preferred by both genders almost equally as it was 27% for females whereas 26% for males. However, females were more interested in doing jobs like clerical or related, as it was 31% and had a proportion of mere 6% in case of males.

On the other hand, 24% of the males preferred to do jobs like crafts or similar but it was just 3% in case of females. Other non-manual jobs were preferred by just 9% of females and 6% of males. General labour job had least proportion among both genders.

Comments

6.5 out of 9

The e-grader is looking for key words 'employment patterns', but can't find them. So it gave you a low mark.