The number of overweight children is developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health . To

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The number of overweight children is developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health .
To what extend you agree with these view ?

In this blooming modern era especially in well-developed country , there are many children who suffer from obesity. Nowadays ,children tend to gain weight faster than children in the past . Increasing in overweight children has its positive and negative ramification like parents who failed to look after their children's health , fast food stores which are increasing and children with very little exercises .

Some people blame parents for the increasing of their children's weight . Sometimes , parents themselves do not promote a healthy lifestyle in the family . They usually stuff their children with foods which do not contain a complete nutrition. Instead , they allow their children to take food such as junk food , carbonated drinks and food rich in fats . Apart from that , increasing in opening of fast food stores in the country might contribute to children's weight gain . Children easily get tempted by stores who offer food such as fried chicken , burger and fries . They have no worry about their weight as they are still young . Even adults love to eat fast foods. As we know , children these days get very little exercise . They do not walk to school . They usually sit in front of the television or play video games for hours . These may also give theme time to eat more junk foods .

However, some may not agree with those reason . Children are still young and free , opportunity should be given to them to enjoy all the foods offer in the country . Fast food stores such as Mc Donald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken are trying to make sale that is why they are selling delightful food that can easily attract people to eat especially children . Children do not know what is exactly exercise means so , adults should be a role model to them . For example , bring them to a playground or even a park to play ball .

In my opinion , we cannot easily blame other people for what happen to our own children . We should train them to be more healthy outside and inside . So , children who suffer obesity need to be more observed by adults so that they can be more healthy in the future .

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Average: 8 (2 votes)
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Comments

Sentence: This is because , parents themselves do not promote a healthy lifestyle in the family .
Description: The fragment is because , is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace because with adjective

Sentence: Apart from that , fast food stores that keep increasing in the country had give a contribution to children's weight .
Description: A verb 'to have', past tense is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to had and give

Sentence: This may also give they time to eat more junk foods .
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and time

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.522 21.0

Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 357 350
No. of Characters: 1672 1500
No. of Different Words: 186 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.347 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.683 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.303 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 73 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 46 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.522 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.685 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.565 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.306 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.451 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5