Author presents a study of eighteen rhesus monkeys and their hormonal level in stimulating situations (such as encounter with an unfamiliar monkey). Firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol as compared with younger siblings. Similarly, study also shows that same behavior is recorded in humans too. Author concludes that there is a direct relation between the birth order and individual's level of stimulation. While this view may sound plausible at first, however, a closer review brings other possible interpretations of the experiment results, which definitely undermine author's explanations. To illustrate, internal factors like age of mother, father & infant monkey, genetic makeup of parents, external factors like diet of parents and infant monkey, psychological factors etc.
To begin with, study shows that in stimulating situations (such as encounter with unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkey produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, as do their younger siblings.Age can play an important role here. It is likely that hormonal level changes with the age and not the birth order. Humans are also believed to show difference in level of stimulation, which can also be a function of age. Nevertheless, there could be another explanation. It might be due to psychological factors. Firstborn infant monkey does not have any of his age around while younger siblings have their siblings, which make them more social. Therefore, they don't get shy away from meeting unfamiliar monkey and hence, lower hormonal level. On the contrary, opposite happens with firstborn.
Moreover, parents during their firstborn children are overprotective as parenthood is new to them. Firstborn children receives undivided attention of parents while the same cannot be said about the younger ones. This can have a psychological effects on children and hence, explains the lower stimulation level in younger ones when parent return after an absence.
Additionally, the study also cites that there is increased levels of cortisol in first-time mother monkeys during pregnancy. Linking this with increased level of stimulation is somewhat ambitious as this could be due to diet the mother monkey is taking and the environment around her. Similarly, there is nothing mentioned about the age. There could be a possibility the younger age of mother monkey and some food causes this increased levels of hormones.
In conclusion, the facts mentioned in the argument has other explanation mentioned and hence, the conclusion mentioned is unconvincing. One should also have a comprehensive study on these explanations, otherwise, one is left bewildered.
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Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 2211 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.328 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.827 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 129 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 96 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.043 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.607 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.433 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 299, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... hormones level with the birth order is a overstreched. Firstborn infant monkey d...
^
Line 3, column 464, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... make them more social. Therefore, they dont get shy away from meeting unfamiliar mo...
^^^^
Line 5, column 115, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ls of cortisol in stimulating situations such as return of parent after absence. ...
^^
Line 5, column 630, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...ger ones. This can have a psychological effects on children and hence, explains the low...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 254, Rule ID: NOUN_AROUND_IT[1]
Message: Consider using 'the surrounding environment'?
Suggestion: the surrounding environment
...to diet the mother monkey is taking and the environment around her. Similarly, there is nothing mentioned ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 396, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ibility the younger age of mother monkey and some food causes this increased leve...
^^
Line 9, column 83, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...argument has other explanation mentioned and hence, the conclusion mentioned is u...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, hence, however, second, secondly, similarly, so, therefore, third, thirdly, while, in conclusion, such as, on the contrary
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1963.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 361.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.43767313019 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35889894354 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84877695057 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.512465373961 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 607.5 705.55239521 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.585139659 57.8364921388 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.4761904762 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.1904761905 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.85714285714 5.70786347227 120% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.304347345864 0.218282227539 139% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0771641284264 0.0743258471296 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0762184059153 0.0701772020484 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.137770493356 0.128457276422 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0975678276849 0.0628817314937 155% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 45.76 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.98 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.42 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.