The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets and they take more risks as a result. Thus, to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents, the government should concentrate more on educating people about bicycle safety and less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets."
This argument is well presented yet far-fetched. It lays a claim that the increasing accidents caused by bicycles should be ascribed to the attitude of those who wear helmets feel safe and not afraid of taking risks. Nevertheless, the argument is in effect definitely unreasonable due to several flaws after a close scrutiny, though it may appear plausible at the first glance.
T begin with, the author claims that the accidents related to bicycles has increased 200 percent. The author fails to provide the further evidence that the accidents' major reason is the inadvertent of bicyclists. Maybe the main causes of the accidents are because of the drunk car drivers, the motorcyclists violation of traffic rules, the pedestrians who crossed the road without carefully observation, and so on.
Secondly, the author states that with wearing helmets, more and more bicyclists are prone to feel much safer and try to take some risks. It seems fallacious because the author views all bicyclists were teenagers, who are more likely to take risk in order to have some exciting challenges and show off their riding skills, the author fails to consider the elders who ride bicycle for exercise or other purpose. With the concern of health, more and more people who living in the big city and don't have much time to exercise are prone to ride bicycles for commuting between their workplaces and homes.
Thirdly, the author recommends the government to focus on the education of teaching people traffic safety instead of encouraging residents to wear helmets. The policy might be doomed to the failure, since people who ride bicycles might not spend their time on the course teaching the rules which they can acquire by surfing net at home. Besides, the accidents caused by bicycling have increased though, the bicyclists tend to have higher possibility to survive because of equipping with helmets. Without the protection of the helmets, people might be less likely to take risks, but the number of death of the accidents might be skyrocketing.
In retrospect, it seems precipitous for the author to jump to the conclusion based on a series of problematic premises. To bolster it the author must provide clear evidence that the increasing number of accidents' is definitely caused by bicycling. After all, feckless attempts with a fallible method could be nothing but a fool's errand.
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Sentence: With the concern of health, more and more people who living in the big city and don't have much time to exercise are prone to ride bicycles for commuting between their workplaces and homes.
Description: A WH-pronoun, nominative is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to who and living
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 392 350
No. of Characters: 1946 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.45 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.964 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.604 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.972 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.601 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.061 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5