The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

Essay topics:

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

The supplied graphs compare the information of Japanese tourists travelling abroad from 1985 to 1995 and give data on Australia's share market in Japanese tourist sector.

At a glance, the trend of Japanese tourists travelling abroad showed a steady growth every year except for the year 1991. The proportion of Japanese traveled abroad was peaked at approximately 15.5 million in 1995. From 1985 to 1990 it was around 4.5-to-11 million, which was a gradual increase during the first 5-year period. Despite this pointing decline, the statistic was gradual rebound in 1992 to 1995.

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Votes
Average: 8.6 (5 votes)

Comments

Sentence: This was a despite decline and then gradual rebound in 1992 to 1995.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to a and despite

which there was a gradual increase during the first 5-year period.
which was a gradual increase during the first 5-year period.

Turning to the data for the Australia’s share on Japans tourism from 1985 to 1994 showed a notable increase in its percentage.
Turning to the data for the Australia’s share on Japans tourism from 1985 to 1994, it showed a notable increase in its percentage.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 203 200
No. of Characters: 956 1000
No. of Different Words: 116 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.775 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.709 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.567 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 76 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 51 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 30 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 14 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.3 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.64 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.391 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.625 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Sir, I'm so glad you come here again, with some suggested points, concerning my report writing for this term.

After reading what you've suggested, altering those sentences is a must, as to know whether I could get different score than that of it, or not. Please kindly recheck it. I'm welcoming for some advice, if any.

Thanks in advance.

- eddy

Despite this was a decline and then gradual rebound in 1992 to 1995.
Description: Check books how to use 'Despite'. and re-write this sentence.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 203 200
No. of Characters: 953 1000
No. of Different Words: 115 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.775 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.695 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.574 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 76 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 51 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 30 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 14 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.3 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.693 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.391 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.628 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Yes sir, I'm going to read books which can show me how to use "despite" correctly.

And about the mark given recently, I say big thanks !

This encourages me to write more. Then, in the same time I could share more with friends of mine in group. As a result, this will raise many merits for our writings.

- eddy.

Aha ! Here I’ve revealed that if we want to use “despite”, we should follow these patterns:

DESPITE Noun/ Noun Phrase, Subject Verb
Subject Verb DESPITE THE FACT (THAT) Subject Verb

(Extracted from Longman Exam Coach)

- eddy