The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The graph below compares that how much it is warm in various different months of a year in three major cities, namely New York, London and Sydney. Not only the average temperatures, but also it reveals how much sunshine each city had in a year. It can be clearly seen that the highest recorded temperature belongs to New York in July. Plus, the lowest amount is recorded in Sydney in July, too. Moreover, annual hours of sunshine is shown in the table.

Starting with Sydney, in January, it peaked at a little bit more than 25 and as the months went by, this value declined to 16 till July. After that, there is a progression in average temperature through the following months which eventually reached 25. On the contrary, in New York the numbers were very lower than that of Sydney in the beginning. The bottom value is recorded in January, approximately 5, and this number dramatically increased to near 30 in July which was the peak across all of the months. It was in August when the temperature declined to 27 and that dropped even lower to 5 in December. Similarly, London peaked at 22 in July. Although its temperature was increasing through the first half of the year; it rapidly fell to 10 during the second half while the bottom value of London was recorded about 8 in January.

The table shows the statistics of yearly hours of sunshine at which New York and Sydney have identical averages of 2535 and 2473 hours respectively while this is much lower for London, about 1180 hours.

In aggregate, it is obvious that London is the coldest city across the other two capitals while in Sydney and New York people confronts a warm climate.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)

Not only the average temperatures, but also it reveals how much sunshine each city had in a year.
Description: Not only...but also is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?

Moreover, annual hours of sunshine is shown in the table.
Moreover, annual hours of sunshine are shown in the table.

in New York the numbers were very lower than that of Sydney
in New York the numbers were much lower than that of Sydney

flaws:
No. of Words: 293 200
Write the essay in 20 minutes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant. Don't need to go details.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 10
No. of Words: 293 200
No. of Characters: 1319 1000
No. of Different Words: 145 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.137 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.502 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.431 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 89 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 56 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 37 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.929 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.353 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.532 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.051 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4