Some people think attending live performance (of concerts, plays, football games etc.) is better than watching those events on television. Do you agree or disagree with the view? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer.
Attending live performance definitely provides thrilling experience to one’s life. But many people would like to prefer television to watch events at home. And, majority of time it depends on individual’s ability to spare time and money over and above enthusiasm.
Live performances provide an opportunity to see a player or artist in front of your eyes. But to view them performing costs much more than ticket price. You have to stand for hours in queue to buy ticket, cross the traffic-jams in dusty environment on the day of performance and even buying cold drinks and food packets at a high price in stadium. Looking at these factors, even though watching them live gives you different kind of feelings, I prefer to watch them on television.
On the other side, watching cricket world-cup or football FIFA cup like events at home on a big screen television in a sound peaceful air-conditioned environment gives you another kind of feeling. You are much comfortable at home and simultaneously enjoying biting of wafers and cold drinks with your family members or friends, instead of facing perspirating uncomfortable situation at stadium.
Some people argue that attending live performance of concert or play is worth watching. I understand their argument but your thrilling experience of watching them performing ended in tiredness and wastage of money. I personally experienced that when a cricket match between India and Australia was organized in nearby city and it got tough for me to get tickets. In addition, on the day of the match, there is lot of traffic and dusty environment which made me frustrated. After that, I decided to watch such kind of events or games on television rather than spending so much of money to get tired.
At last, I would like to conclude by saying that instead of feeling tired after spending money, it would be much better to watch them on television.
But many people would like to prefer television to watch events at home.
But many people would like to watch events by television at home.
Sentence: You are much comfortable at home and simultaneously enjoying biting of wafers and cold drinks with your family members or friends, instead of facing perspirating uncomfortable situation at stadium.
Error: perspirating Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
Duplicated content for the disadvantages of live performance:
'You have to stand for hours in queue to buy ticket, cross the traffic-jams in dusty environment on the day of performance and even buying cold drinks and food packets at a high price in stadium.'
'but your thrilling experience of watching them performing ended in tiredness and wastage of money. I personally experienced that when a cricket match between India and Australia was organized in nearby city and it got tough for me to get tickets. In addition, on the day of the match, there is lot of traffic and dusty environment which made me frustrated'
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Organize content better like this:
paragraph 1: introduction -- explain in your own words about the issue and give a thesis statement at the end. Give a reasonable not a dogmatic statement.
paragraph 2: reason 1 + why reason 1 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 3: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 4: qualification -- moderate your position. This may involve a sentence beginning with "but" or "however"...
paragraph 5: conclusion -- reinforce the thesis.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 317 350
No. of Characters: 1545 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.22 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.874 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.807 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 102 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.133 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.544 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.572 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5