Arts and environment are two integrated parts of human life and make the world a beautiful place to live. Actually there is a hot debate to choose one side to support and each side has specific proponents and opponents. In my view, the environment is mother of modern arts and if we protect it, we can protect arts and human beings for several reasons.
First of all, Arts is originated by environment. Nature is full of different arts and beauties so definitely it inspires artists to create unique and aesthetic objects. Michael Angel, the most famous sculptor, implied that his main attempt is to extract elegance of nature and sprinkle it on his statuses. He confessed that his best creative portfolios are according to nature. His statements show us that without virgin natural scenes we would not have pure arts.
Moreover, environment plays an important role in the stress reduction. Spending five minutes a day near seashore or river can help you to feel relaxed and comfortable consequently. Scientists at Harvard University proved that people who live in the countryside are healthier than people in urban areas due to less stressful situations and pollution. The survey asserts that green and blue colors can counteract stress and make you fresh. Therefore it is recommended to look at a picturesque view after work hours, at least for 15 minutes. In the other words, if we protect the environment, it would protect us mutually.
Admittedly, it may be true that arts may depict human’s problems more tangible when we are considering cultures and societies. For example, some people may claim that if we ignore the art of photography, the photographers cannot report the news of malnutrition in Africa. However, this worry can be eliminated by accommodations of charities as well as the fact that photographers can support their gracious activities with other available funds.
To sum it up, I believe that the environment requires more attention and contribution than arts. It is more logical that the company defends the innocent and vulnerable nature.
flaws:
The essay is off the topic.
First, the issues go to the second paragraph:
'Arts is originated by environment. ', you were comparing 'Arts to environment.' but you need to compare 'the money put on arts' to 'the money put on environment'
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And second issues go to the fourth paragraph:
Admittedly, it may be true that arts may depict human’s problems more tangible when we are considering cultures and societies. For example, some people may claim that if we ignore the art of photography, the photographers cannot report the news of malnutrition in Africa. However, this worry can be eliminated by accommodations of charities as well as the fact that photographers can support their gracious activities with other available funds.
it should be something like this:
Admittedly, it may be true that more support on arts will blabla....however, if same money is put on environment, it will create better results...blabla...
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Why this error happens? because you think TOEFL topic complicated. TOEFL topics are designed to high school students, which should be straight forward. We need to take the topic easy but we can develop the content complicated. Also we need to read topics carefully before we start to write something.
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Good points of the essay:
No. of Words: 340 350
No. of Different Words: 211 200
from above attributes, you are on the right track for 27 or over. You just don't write the essay off the topic.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 340 350
No. of Characters: 1688 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.294 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.965 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.816 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 122 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.895 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.251 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.579 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.282 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.533 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5