TPO-40 - Independent Writing Task Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There are certain considerations or factors which everyone can take into account to consider children's educational process. I certainly agree that children should receive money for each high mark. Someone can consciously weigh the pros and cons of each side. The explanations go as follows.

Firstly, this money can be a great motivation for children. These days, all adults and children need some stimulus to do their tasks correctly. This money can be an elegant factor to whet children's appetites to pay more attention or devote sufficient time for their class assignments and math problems. In additional, it can conjure up children's feeling to study seriously and reach to a profound understanding toward the subjects and materials. Therefore, improving children's performance in the classes and boosting training progress are two likely positive consequences.

Furthermore, helping children to be more responsible is another noticeable reason. Nowadays, parents need to equip children with some skills and abilities to be prosperous in their future life and career. Being responsible is one of the most important prerequisites and qualities for any future success and achievement. Offering money only for good grades teaches pupils this prominent lessen that they would be responsible for any low grade and as a result money loss. Also, the children would realize if they work hard enough at something, they can achieve the goal.

Admittedly, there are some justifications by one who argues that giving money for good grades causes physical and psychological harm on children. Chiefly, the children should feel stressed and pressured because they fear from any money loss. This can be source of chronic daily headache, hypertension, and heart palpitation. However, still I affirm that giving money for each high grade is more beneficial. Although there are some defects and flaws, they can be neglected compared to the advantages of this method. Besides, children are paid money for house hold tasks like car washing and house maintenance, so mentioned money loss would not be significant to cause any problematic and sophisticated issue.

Due to aforementioned ground, all folk should bear in mind that offering money to children for each high grade would be profitable. Participation of liability and motivation are two prime and conspicuous reasons.

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Average: 8 (2 votes)
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This can be source of
This can be the source of

flaws:
No messages given before: children are paid money for house hold tasks like car washing and house maintenance. maybe not:

Besides, children are paid money for house hold tasks like car washing and house maintenance, so mentioned money loss would not be significant to cause any problematic and sophisticated issue.

Better to say: giving money for good grades may make children self-centered, or money orientated.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 368 350
No. of Characters: 1951 1500
No. of Different Words: 218 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.38 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.302 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.873 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.727 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.986 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.318 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.046 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Very Thank!

1) Please let me know what you mean when you say "No messages given before"

2) About "Better to say: giving money for good grades may make children self-centered, or money orientated."

I think that, after "However ......" we need to say somthings that is contrary and related to the sentences that we write before "However .....". Is it not true?

This comes without conditions: 'children are paid money for house hold tasks like car washing and house maintenance'. So there is a warning message: "No messages given before".

we may say:
In some countries/families, children are paid money for house hold tasks like car washing and house maintenance

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Yes, it should be related to what you said before. you can change it:
Besides, children are paid money for house hold tasks like car washing and house maintenance, so mentioned money loss would not be significant to cause any problematic and sophisticated issue.

to:
Besides, this is only a small cash which will not affect children mentally or psychologically, so mentioned money loss would not be significant to cause any problematic and sophisticated issue.

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actually the topic is waiting something like this in the fourth paragraph:

Admittedly, there are some justifications by one who argues that giving money for good grades may make children self-centered, or money orientated. more....

this argument will get more credit.