TPO-40 - Independent Writing Task Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education is such an important issue in todays world especially for kids. In order to get better results kids need to be encouraged, type of this encouragement depends on various elements that I will discuss later. Some people think offering money to kids for promoting their performance at school can be destructive on the other hand others think that this policy may proceed their efficiency to a remarkable level. I myself think destructivity of this act depends on some factors such as personality of the kid in the first place, personality of their parents and upbringing of the kid. All three of these factors are so closely related.
As kids grow up they look up to their parents and that’s how their personality is effected by their them, of course every individual has its own specific personality features which are mostly inherited from their parents however not all of us look exactly like our parents because the time is passing and the world is changing and so the humans and generations are. All parents need to do is to watch their kids behavior carefully, analyze their personality and choose if offering money will have a bad influence or not.
Sometimes offering money may transfer the wrong message to kids and they won’t understand that they have to study hard for their own good and a better future, in such kids this policy is such a bad idea. And also in kids with lower IQs the whole offering money thing is a huge mistake because parents are sending this inappropriate message that I care so much about your success that I want you to achieve it by any means and I don’t love you the way you already are, that may make kids to do horrible mistakes such as cheating and lying instead of getting the fruit of their own attempt.
I think offering money in order to get a better result is only successful if the parents get to know their child so well, their IQ and their skills. Not everybody will be successful in their future just by judging their grades marks, so pushing kids so hard to get perfect scores in grades that their not even interested in not only wont make things better but also it can be so demolishing instead. Of course in kids with high IQ that are interested in learning but are just lacking in motivation the policy will work so efficiently.
To sum it all up for getting the best result it is so necessary for parents to know their kids so well in any feature. If a parents know that I think this policy is such a good idea for promotion of that kids performance, My mom always used a similar way to make me study, she offered me toys and thing I was dying to have and it always worked so well. That was just because she knew me so well, she know I had the potential and all I needed was motivation so she gave it to me.

Votes
Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 122, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a parent' or simply 'parents'?
Suggestion: a parent; parents
...w their kids so well in any feature. If a parents know that I think this policy is such a...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 400, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'knows'.
Suggestion: knows
...s just because she knew me so well, she know I had the potential and all I needed wa...
^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...was motivation so she gave it to me.
^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, look, may, so, well, i think, of course, such as, in the first place, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 15.1003584229 159% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 13.8261648746 130% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 74.0 43.0788530466 172% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 59.0 52.1666666667 113% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2285.0 1977.66487455 116% => OK
No of words: 508.0 407.700716846 125% => OK
Chars per words: 4.49803149606 4.8611393121 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.74751043592 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.49667380564 2.67179642975 93% => OK
Unique words: 227.0 212.727598566 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.446850393701 0.524837075471 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 723.6 618.680645161 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 9.59856630824 83% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 20.6003584229 73% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 33.0 20.1344086022 164% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 92.7925763314 48.9658058833 190% => OK
Chars per sentence: 152.333333333 100.406767564 152% => OK
Words per sentence: 33.8666666667 20.6045352989 164% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.86666666667 5.45110844103 144% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.23978679095 0.236089414692 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0922416162283 0.076458572812 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0603399692919 0.0737576698707 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.144266960981 0.150856017488 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0286487100921 0.0645574589148 44% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.7 11.7677419355 142% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.9 58.1214874552 94% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 10.1575268817 136% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.41 10.9000537634 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.82 8.01818996416 98% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 86.8835125448 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 10.002688172 150% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.2 10.0537634409 151% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 10.247311828 146% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.