TPO 40: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Many sociologists have perennially been considered the issue of education efficiency which it has a prominent role in school-age children’s lives. I highly concur with the idea that parents should encourage their children to study in order to become prospective people rather than offer them money for each high grade. In addition, children can decisively perceive the valuable of knowledge in the society so that they could be more prosperous.
The first point that I would like to mention is the fact that educated people are the cornerstones of each society. In fact, students cannot determine decisively what effects education has on the society. Furthermore, money has always been amongst the most prevailing stimulus throughout the whole history; hence, many students would be urged to do particular activity with the hope of gaining money. Take some students who are accustomed to get achieve money in to account as an illustration. They would try to study for higher grade to gain money which is not the fact of learning. The actually should find a path to build a bridge between real life and knowledge; otherwise, almost all of those information would not worth.
Another vital point which should be taken into consideration is that some of parents may have not enough money to award their children for any high mark. As a matter of fact, there are either rich or poor students in each school that they have conversations during free time of the school, so some of them who get money might share their experience proudly with other ones who did not achieve. What those students would be ashamed of their family financial abilities is so unfair. Statistics shows that some of pupils who come from poor families prefer to drop out of the school. Not only do they lose their motivation to study efficiently but they also cannot communicate with all other students. Consequently, it is necessary to have a unique atmosphere between all students that can lead to have better understanding of courses.
To wrap it up, based on the aforementioned arguments, there are many reasons and examples which can be persuasive enough to agree that parents should find another way to motivate their children into better studying. Not only does offering money make them to mislead the fact of learning and its function in their lives, but it would be also oppressive to the students who originate of poor family.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 428, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[4]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'accustomed to getting'.
Suggestion: accustomed to getting
...ining money. Take some students who are accustomed to get achieve money in to account as an illus...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 692, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this information' or 'those informations'?
Suggestion: this information; those informations
...and knowledge; otherwise, almost all of those information would not worth. Another vital point w...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 503, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'some of', you should use 'the' ('some of the pupils') or simply say ''some pupils''.
Suggestion: some of the pupils; some pupils
...ies is so unfair. Statistics shows that some of pupils who come from poor families prefer to d...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, consequently, first, furthermore, hence, if, may, so, in addition, in fact, of course, as a matter of fact
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 15.1003584229 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 9.8082437276 184% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 13.8261648746 43% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 18.0 11.0286738351 163% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 43.0788530466 77% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 52.1666666667 111% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2012.0 1977.66487455 102% => OK
No of words: 403.0 407.700716846 99% => OK
Chars per words: 4.99255583127 4.8611393121 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48049772903 4.48103885553 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71230069621 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 211.0 212.727598566 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.523573200993 0.524837075471 100% => OK
syllable_count: 630.9 618.680645161 102% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 9.59856630824 31% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.51792114695 28% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.4378163616 48.9658058833 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.352941176 100.406767564 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.7058823529 20.6045352989 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.47058823529 5.45110844103 137% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.260940419384 0.236089414692 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0809147114859 0.076458572812 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0656634709585 0.0737576698707 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.165514149267 0.150856017488 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0634064879598 0.0645574589148 98% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 11.7677419355 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 58.1214874552 83% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 10.1575268817 121% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.96 10.9000537634 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.38 8.01818996416 105% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 86.8835125448 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.