TPO-46 - Integrated Writing Task In the United States, medical information about patients traditionally has been recorded and stored on paper forms. However, there are efforts to persuade doctors to adopt electronic medical record systems in which informa

The reading and lecture both discuss using the electronic system to save the patient's data instead of traditional paper forms. While the reading provides three benefits of the electronice database, the professor refutes, saying none of these claims are convincing.

Firstly, the reading states that the electronic system can save money. This is because there is no need for storage space. However, the professor argues this notion by saying that the cost saving is not significant. For example, there is no saving for record storage because doctors do not through these papers in order to keep the patient's signatures for the future.

In addition, the article avers that electronic format avoid the poor handwriting errors. On the other hand, the professor questions this idea by pointing out that the electronic system cannot eliminate the handwriting errors. In fact, most doctors still use pens and papers to make notes or to write prescriptions. In additions, the staff members still inter the patients data into the electronic system from handwritten papers. So, they can make do the same errors as the traditional papers.

Lastly, the reading mentions that this new electronic system can help the researchers to grapp the information easily. Nevertheless, the professor contradicts this point by explaining that the researchers cannot benefit from this system. Furthermore, it is so hard to get access to the medical patient informations. This is because it is so hard by law to take these informations due to patient's privacy. Consequently, the researchers should follow and complete many processes to take permission to access these patient informations. In fact, some patients might refuse to release their medical records. As a result, it will be so hard for researchers to find out these data.

Votes
Average: 8.1 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 37, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
The reading and lecture both discuss using the electronic system to save the ...
^^
Line 1, column 79, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'patients'' or 'patient's'?
Suggestion: patients'; patient's
...using the electronic system to save the patients data instead of traditional paper forms...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 364, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'patients'' or 'patient's'?
Suggestion: patients'; patient's
...ions, the staff members still inter the patients data into the electronic system from ha...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
consequently, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, lastly, nevertheless, so, still, while, for example, in addition, in fact, as a result, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 10.4613686534 86% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 5.04856512141 178% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 7.30242825607 55% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 6.0 12.0772626932 50% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 22.412803532 103% => OK
Preposition: 32.0 30.3222958057 106% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 5.01324503311 40% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1526.0 1373.03311258 111% => OK
No of words: 288.0 270.72406181 106% => OK
Chars per words: 5.29861111111 5.08290768461 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.11953428781 4.04702891845 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.83638690301 2.5805825403 110% => OK
Unique words: 152.0 145.348785872 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.527777777778 0.540411800872 98% => OK
syllable_count: 462.6 419.366225166 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 3.25607064018 154% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.23620309051 121% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 1.25165562914 160% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 2.5761589404 194% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 13.0662251656 138% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 21.2450331126 75% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 28.9448709715 49.2860985944 59% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 84.7777777778 110.228320801 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.0 21.698381199 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.94444444444 7.06452816374 127% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 4.19205298013 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 4.33554083885 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 4.45695364238 224% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.27373068433 70% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.351705817399 0.272083759551 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.100702770929 0.0996497079465 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0524214441592 0.0662205650399 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.192317303601 0.162205337803 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0436192421373 0.0443174109184 98% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 13.3589403974 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 53.8541721854 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 5.55761589404 158% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 11.0289183223 86% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.16 12.2367328918 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.38 8.42419426049 99% => OK
difficult_words: 72.0 63.6247240618 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 10.7273730684 79% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.498013245 80% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.2008830022 80% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 81.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.