Can any one review my essays

You did a very good job in writing, but I find out one issue: you used a lot of 'which'. for example, in this essay:

https://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-ielts-academic-essays/man…

'which' is repeated 5 times. People don't like same sentence structure more than 2 times.

please access this essay.

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

While some people keep working in a business until they retire, others thought that it is preferable to labour for various companies in one’s working life. In my opinion, I consider that people can enjoy the benefit of speedy promotion and job stability when working with a firm till until their retirement.

On the one hand, some critics argue that one can be promoted earlier than expected after working with a company for a long period of time. Supporters of this view claim that some companies have the policy of rewarding loyal employees with promotions after few years of their service. I agree that it is worthwhile to work with a single firm in one’s life time because one can attain the highest position for being loyal. To illustrate this, at the age of 40 years, May Charles was made the Group Managing Director of Grail, a multinational corporation because of her 21 years of active service. Furthermore, a proportion of the population also claimed that people who work in an organization in their entire working life enjoy job stability. In other words, they are not likely to be sacked or retrenched for any reason because they must have understood the structure and policy of the company as well as being in long service with the company.

On the other hand, other people believe that people ought to work at different firm to earn better wages. Advocates of this view argue that huge salary should be the motivation for employees in workforce. Thus, workers should work with range of companies that give the best incentives and remuneration. In addition, people change employers because they get bored with their jobs easily. That is, these set of people find their jobs extremely routine since they keep doing the same thing and see same faces every day. Consequently, they get tired and demotivated doing the jobs. For example, in 2012, The Time newspaper reported that 35 percent of secondary school teachers in the UK have worked in no more than four different schools because they are bored doing the same thing always.

In conclusion, while some argue that boredom and high paying salary are reasons to change jobs before retirement, in my opinion, I believe people should remain in one job to enjoy unmerited elevation and stability before they quit working.