some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. other young adults prefer to live with their family for a long time. Which of these situation do you think is better.
Adulthood brings so mach responsibilities for an individual, being dependent on family means to be handicapped. I would prefer to, stay independent and for that, I need to follow my dreams and work hard to achieve my dreams. I believe, as long as you stay with your parents, you find problem to follow your dreams and it feels like dependency on parents. Furthermore, being pampered and loved by parents ultimately makes you weak. this essay will discuss issue on independent life and life with the family.
Firstly, Being independent during adulthood is important, as we grown up the expectations from us increase by our family. In addition, some parents compulsory put their demands on the children. For example, my friend completed his schooling from his hometown and got admission in the famous college of my country. He was in the last year of his under-graduation program , and he had conflict whether return to home or join job as a statistician at the city he was studying in. His parents wanted him to come back home and join his father's business. But, for the guy working on field was his dream job. Here, is the big problem, parents expectation are sometime become unmanageable problem for children. This is the main reason, why in spite of so much love and feeling from my friends, when it comes to my career, I would not like to compromise.
Secondly, to live with our family, gives us shelter and love and sympathy, which can become hurdle for us long term. for example, my friend is an architect at a well-known company. she was born and brought up in wealthy family. She is very talented girl in her field. Once her seniors gave her promotion and she need to leave her hometown and live in metropolitan area of the country. She accepted the promotion . but she find it very difficult to stay without parents. From this example, one can say that, too much affection and sympathy from parents make difficult to confront the real world.
In conclusion, i would like to restate my standpoint that, one should follow your dreams and stay dependent. This only can happen when one started live by one's own. Youth has responsibility towards his/her family, society as well as the nation. This duties can be achieved by only when youth take steps towards His/her dreams.
Comments
Please suggest me more idea
Please suggest me more idea to built more strong introduction..
Your introductions are just
Your introductions are just ok. There are some suggestions which may help you:
1. Don't put too much time into the introduction in essay writing.
2. Get to the point as soon as possible. Don't begin too broadly or too far off topic. Avoid sweeping generalizations.
3. Don't repeat the essay topic sentences.
4. Don't give details and in-depth explanations that really belong in your body paragraphs.
Sentence: Firstly, Being
Sentence: Firstly, Being independent during adulthood is important, as we grown up the expectations from us increase by our family.
Description: The fragment we grown up is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace grown with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Sentence: In addition, some parents compulsory put their demands on the children.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to compulsory and put
Sentence: She accepted the promotion . but she find it very difficult to stay without parents.
Description: The fragment she find it is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace find with verb, past tense
Sentence: This duties can be achieved by only when youth take steps towards His/her dreams.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to This and duties
Description: The fragment youth take steps is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace take with verb, past tense
Sentence: Adulthood brings so mach responsibilities for an individual, being dependent on family means to be handicapped.
Error: mach Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
put less examples but more arguments.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 396 350
No. of Characters: 1828 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.461 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.616 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.6 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 123 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.735 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.524 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.294 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.484 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.203 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Please, comment on the content i have written and give me suggestions on it.
and i hope, this time the paragraphs I have made, are correct.
Thanks a lot.