TOEFL integrated writing communal online encyclopedia

The reading passage casts doubt on the communal encyclopedias and have said that there are lot of problems in it and which makes it less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias. The listening passage however, advocates that communal online can never be perfect but the reading passage have criticize and showed an ignorance against how far the communal encyclopedias have come:

First of all, according to the reading passage communal encyclopedias do lot of mistakes because they are partially informed about the information they received. Nevertheless, the speaker in the listening passage claims that an online encyclopedias hardly do any errors as done by traditional encyclopedias and the information they give is not even accurate. There are lot of typing errors and the information that provided by the traditional encyclopedias is kept for decades and don’t even refresh.

Secondly, the reading passage also states the fact that the information given on Internet though it is original and correct but it gives an encouragement to the communal online and an opportunity to the hackers and venders to fabricate delete or corrupt that information. Meanwhile, the speaker in the listening passage says that though there are some malicious hackers who corrupt the information but there are some special editors who update the data provided in the encyclopedias. Moreover, she adds that they have a strategy that they put such kind of crucial information in the encyclopedia that no one make changes or hack their data and in that way they can save their data.

Finally, in regard to the information that is mentioned in the reading passage is that communal encyclopedias focus too frequently and in too a great depth about the information provided and mentions only topics, which are too important without thinking in general. The professor on the other hand shades light on the worth knowing of the fact that an online information provided has limited space but the space is not an issue for an online encyclopedias. There are variety of articles and diversity in online information, which is one of the strongest advantages for the Internet users.

Votes
Average: 4.8 (6 votes)
Essay Categories

Sentence: The listening passage however, advocates that communal online can never be perfect but the reading passage have criticize and showed an ignorance against how far the communal encyclopedias have come:
Description: A verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to have and criticize

Sentence: Moreover, she adds that they have a strategy that they put such kind of crucial information in the encyclopedia that no one make changes or hack their data and in that way they can save their data.
Description: The fragment one make changes is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular

flaws:
No. of Words: 349 250

Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages or as less as possible.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 12
No. of Words: 349 250
No. of Characters: 1789 1200
No. of Different Words: 157 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.322 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.126 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.914 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.727 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.969 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.447 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.667 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.164 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4