Why do people travel , use examples and reasons to support your opinion.
The world is full of adventure and lands that are yet to be discovered. It is part of human instinct to travel and migrate from place to place. In my view, i believe that some people travel in search of greener pastures, others to learn more about the world they live in and another category to have fun and adventure and to explore the opportunities in countries around.
First, a lot of people believe that there are better jobs, higher standard of living and better opportunities in other countries. From my personal experience after several years of hunting for a job in my country, I had to travel to Canada and within a few months I got a job and my income was very good compared to what my colleagues in my country were collecting. Also, I was able to pay my bills and send some money home to my family.
Next, my friend Grace is a very inquisitive person and she has made it her life ambition to travel to countries and nations she has never visited and those that are obscure on the map. She spends at least a month in each country and invests her time to learn their culture and way of life . She also builds relationship with the indigenes and learns how to cook their local meals. Now from her personal experience and knowledge, she can write a whole book on people and nations she has visited.
Finally, my husband and I travel yearly to rest, have fun and spend time alone bounding and blending. We usually go to countries or cities with beautiful and natural resorts. This way we get to climb hills, swim and have fun and walk hand in hand by the beach side. We keep to this yearly ritual because we have found out that when we travel and go to isolated places away from the stress and distraction of work and friends, we get to resolve conflicts and develop stronger relationship and enjoy nature as we relax.
In summary, I believe people travel to take advantage of opportunities around their world, to learn more about the world around and to have fun and adventure.
flaws:
Need topic sentence and arguments before you put an example, like this:
Para 1: introduction.
Para 2:First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions(1-2 sentences).
Para 3:Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First
Para 4:Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1588 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.363 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.363 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 102 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 36 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.21 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.607 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.173 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5