In this memo, the Monroe developers are claiming that by constructing a Jazz club in Monroe due to the nationwide popularity of Jazz could bring up a huge profit to their town. To support this claim, the speaker provides information that Monroe is holding annual jazz festival and also highest-rated radio program is hold from this town. Despite these advantages, as the nearest jazz club is in long-distance with their town, the speaker claims they need a jazz club also in Monroe. However, the speaker’s claim seems specious in several grounds.
To begin with, the speaker is underlying assumption that people will likely to spend more meaningful time in the Jazz-related town rather than other non-relative places. Yet, it is too hasty to assert due to popularity of Jazz culture is not directly linked to commercial entertainment. Culture and economy are separate sections that different approach should be made. Of course, there will be some sparkling synergies between them, yet it doesn’t mean the popularity of Jazz warrant commercial success. Perhaps some pre-Jazz club owners in Monroe will be just interested in filling their wallet rather than sharing their Jazz endemic culture to the outsiders. If then, it will be hard to delude club visitors that they are actually profit seekers and will unlikely to visit anymore. Rather they will prefer a Jazz club with full-hearted soul in love of Jazz.
In addition, lending credence to the claim should be considered again as it contains another faulty assumption. The speaker presumes that having Jazz music club in Monroe could also successfully hold and persist Jazz festivals to such current degree. However, Jazz entertainment could flourish better where many people can access and participate by holding festivals in accessible locations. To illustrate, perhaps the nearest jazz club has geological advantage by being close to cities, whereby many residents could attend festivals right after their work or spend their weekends at ease. Yet, if Monroe is located relatively far from where many residents reside, despite the love for Jazz, people will be reluctant to visit Monroe with long-distance driving.
Moreover, the claim should be doubted because perhaps, ordinary people, not including the zealots of Jazz, are not contemplative enough to examine the superiority between listening to radio and to actual Jazz musicians. Perhaps they would prefer listening to radio because they don’t need to put effort a lot by visiting and finding Jazz clubs. Maybe they will likely to visit such places when they have family affairs or anniversaries with their lovers when they want to make chill moods. Thus, building a Jazz club in Monroe might be uneconomical in some grounds.
In sum, the speaker’s claim is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it, the speaker need to add more plausible scenarios by adding attractive Jazz concerts of Jazz celebrities combining with their construction of Jazz club in Monroe. Also, to better assess the claim, the speaker needs to articulate why he/she believes that culture popularity could support inducing economical profit.
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
forget to argue a lot of things:
...and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 503 350
No. of Characters: 2569 1500
No. of Different Words: 249 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.736 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.107 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.673 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 194 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.87 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.635 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.565 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 739, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'profited'.
Suggestion: profited
...de club visitors that they are actually profit seekers and will unlikely to visit anym...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 790, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Rather,
...ers and will unlikely to visit anymore. Rather they will prefer a Jazz club with full-...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, thus, in addition, of course, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 71.0 55.5748502994 128% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2657.0 2260.96107784 118% => OK
No of words: 500.0 441.139720559 113% => OK
Chars per words: 5.314 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.72870804502 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77605403406 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 251.0 204.123752495 123% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.502 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 801.0 705.55239521 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 11.0 4.22255489022 261% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 41.3077801778 57.8364921388 71% => OK
Chars per sentence: 115.52173913 119.503703932 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.7391304348 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.21739130435 5.70786347227 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.260890605486 0.218282227539 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0917714661514 0.0743258471296 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0712147761908 0.0701772020484 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.164366641801 0.128457276422 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0328760229346 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.52 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.78 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 130.0 98.500998004 132% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.