The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life.
“Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc
To start off, the conclusion that corporations should look to the city Helios for new business opportunities or relocation omits feasible and authentic evidences which are necessary to substantiate the argument. Evidence argument presents concerning Helios share of employment in manufacturing jobs being an industrial center and the employment rate during recession. Continuing with another evidence argument presents concerning Helios attempt to expand its economic base focused on research and development of innovation technologies lacks persuasion for target market based on historical data of Helios. Most conspicuously, the argument does not address neither impact nor needs, preferences and auxiliary functional requirements of different types of corporations but rather simply describes superficial statistics without authentic comparison.
Firstly, the first evidence argument assumes that the city Helios is diverse enough to facilitate different types of corporations with different preferences. However, on one hand, it is questionable whether Helios can support all types of corporations. Helios has attracted mainly industrial and manufacturing corporations in the past, hence this will have inherent effect of increase in prospective pool of employees in industrial and manufacturing sector. For example, needs of research and development of innovative technology corporations cannot be met by employee trained for manufacturing skills. On the other hand, technology corporation’s location preferences will be different from industries, thus leaving Helios with a disadvantage being an industrial center region. For example, technology corporations look for peaceful climate and ease of access to other parts of world. Clearly, for these reasons, it is unlikely Helios can possibly attract research and development of innovative technology companies.
Secondly, there will be scarcity of available work force required according to the needs of corporations since it has enjoyed lesser than average unemployment rate during recent recession. For example, corporations which need large work force must spend more on attracting existing employees with more wages and/or invest in developing required skill set for work force which are left out of employment in Helios, both of which are unlikely options for corporations either being new into business or expanding to new location or relocating. Clearly, this is another reason, it’s unlikely that Helios will be successful in its attempt to attract companies that focus or research and development of innovative technologies
Finally, to conclude, author has not succeeded in providing compelling reasons for selecting Helios as the site for a company wishing to relocate. Nor has the author provided compelling reasons for companies seeking new business opportunities to choose Helios, author must make an intentional effort to address needs, preferences and auxiliary support to attract research and development of innovative technology companies. As the presented argument leaves out the clarity and consciousness on aforementioned critical issues, it is neither sound nor persuasive. If it had included the key items discussed above instead of citing superficial stats and plans for target market, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
1. the introduction and conclusion are too long.
2. need at least 3 argument in the essay body.
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argument 1 -- Even in the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. //we may argue like: maybe the regional average rate is very high.
argument 2 -- It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. //we may argue like: maybe it is only good for manufacturing jobs.
argument 3 -- In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. //we may argue like: maybe there are no universities in this area.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 481 350
No. of Characters: 2800 1500
No. of Different Words: 238 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.683 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.821 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.113 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 235 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 188 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 148 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 105 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.722 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.415 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.346 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.521 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 942, Rule ID: MAY_COULD_POSSIBLY[1]
Message: Use simply 'can'.
Suggestion: can
...or these reasons, it is unlikely Helios can possibly attract research and development of inn...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, firstly, hence, however, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, thus, for example, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 25.0 11.1786427146 224% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 14.0 28.8173652695 49% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2868.0 2260.96107784 127% => OK
No of words: 480.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 5.975 5.12650576532 117% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68069463864 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.19581975225 2.78398813304 115% => OK
Unique words: 242.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.504166666667 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 893.7 705.55239521 127% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.9 1.59920159681 119% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 71.5950743507 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 168.705882353 119.503703932 141% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.2352941176 23.324526521 121% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.05882352941 5.70786347227 124% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.203289470495 0.218282227539 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0717253387956 0.0743258471296 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0545575002549 0.0701772020484 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.128768974033 0.128457276422 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0339863533356 0.0628817314937 54% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 20.8 14.3799401198 145% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 17.68 48.3550499002 37% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 13.0 7.1628742515 181% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 17.8 12.197005988 146% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 17.64 12.5979740519 140% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.5 8.32208582834 114% => OK
difficult_words: 136.0 98.500998004 138% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 16.5 12.3882235529 133% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 18.0 11.9071856287 151% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.