The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis.
"Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway. Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased. To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Industrialization helps human being in many aspects. This argument is also showing such benefits which Transopolis city has got with increasing industrialization in some areas of the city. The planning department of the city has recommended that adapting a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway for industries has helped city in many ways like decreased crime rates and increased property tax revenue.
The argument clearly shows that Transopolis city has adapted this urban renewal program 10 years ago. Within this much long span city is likely to change so much in many aspects but the city planning department here is considering only one aspect for the growth of the city. They should consider other aspects too, before they reach upto any conclusion. Decrement in crime rates might be because of the increased moral values among the residents of that area. Moreover, statistics of the crime rates are not provided to support this stand. May be crime rates have decreased very nominally which is ignorable figure!
Planning department of Transoplois city has mentioned that property tax revenue for the entire city has been increased because of this new industrial area. But I don’t think so. While they are considering the entire city, they should consider the rest of the areas too. It is likely that many other areas of the city might have developed even more than this area and that could be the reason for increment in property tax revenue. In addition to that department should provide statistics to support this stand. No firm figures are given from which we can know that city’s property tax revenue increased by what amount!
Planning department officials have proposed that they should take the similar actions for a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. There is a possibility that new industries do not get enough man power in the new region and the idea can become a big flop. So many factors affect to make industries successful.
They have presumed that some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied. But what if some residents are about to come and occupy those housings? Moreover, they have not mentioned how come the new housings for the displaced people will be readily available.
So, all these factors should be considered before taking any slapdash decision. The planning department has not considered many aspects which can result into the failure of their plan. Hence, this argument is erroneous and need to have more details and statistical data to support their stand.
Comments
Sentence: They should
Sentence: They should consider other aspects too, before they reach upto any conclusion.
Error: upto Suggestion: up to
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flaws:
Need to accept whatever told are true, don't cast doubt like:
Moreover, statistics of the crime rates are not provided to support this stand. May be crime rates have decreased very nominally which is ignorable figure!
In addition to that department should provide statistics to support this stand. No firm figures are given from which we can know that city’s property tax revenue increased by what amount!
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It is important to find out loopholes. Loopholes mean that we accept all they told are true, but there are some conditions applied, for example:
It works for time A (10 years ago), but it doesn't mean it works for time B (nowadays).
It works for location A (a city, community, nation), but it doesn't mean it works for location B (another city, community, nation).
It works for people A (a manager), but it doesn't mean it works for people B (a worker).
It works for event A (one event, project... ), but it doesn't mean it works for event B (another event, project...).
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http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/following-appeared-recommendation…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 425 350
No. of Characters: 2124 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.54 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.998 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.631 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.708 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.657 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.291 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.519 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.064 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
SCORE: 4.5 out of 6.0 - Read below for details
Spelling
Error Suggestion
man power manpower
ignorable incurable
Grammar
Error Suggestion
into in
Planning department The planning department
stand standard
for in
aspects but aspects, but
of on
stand standard
nominally which nominally, which
Usage of Bad Phrases
Bad Phrase Score: 3.6 (lower is better)
The Bad Phrase Score is based on the quality and quantity of trite or inappropriate words, phrases, and cliches found in your paper. You did equal or better than 11% of the people in this education level. Looks like you may be employing some over-used or distasteful phrases. Your Bad Phrase Score is worse than average.
You may wish to use a thesaurus to replace or reduce your usage of the following words and/or phrases in your paper (sorted by most egregious first):
get, got, big, very, many, because, make, more, some, do, we, like, think, take, any, plan, new, But, So, is, are, know, change, about
Usage of Transitional Phrases
Transitional Words Score: 65
This score is based on quality of transitional phrases used within your paper. You did equal or better than 59% of the people in this education level. Good job! Your usage of transitional phrases is above average. Nevertheless, you may still benefit from reading the info below.
One sign of an excellent writer is the use of transitional phrases. Transitional words and phrases (e.g. therefore, consequently, furthermore) contribute to the cohesiveness of a text and allow the sentences to flow smoothly. Without transitional phrases, a text will often seem disorganized and will most likely be difficult to understand. When these special words are used, they provide organization within a text and lead to greater understanding and enjoyment on the part of the reader.
These words and phrases fall under a few grammatical categories:
• Conjunctions: but, provided, and, although
• Prepositional phrases: in addition to, in conclusion
• Adverbs: also, however, nevertheless
Transitional phrases may be used in various places in a text:
• between paragraphs
• between sentences
• between sentence parts
• within sentence parts
For example, you could write:
Form and function are central themes in Biology. However, knowing the structure of something does not necessarily reveal its function.
The word 'however' contributes to greater unity or cohesion between sentences.
Sentence Length Info
Total Sentences: 24
Avg. Length: 17.7 words
Short Sentences ( Long Sentences (> 35 words): 1 (4%)
Sentence Variation: 7.9 words (std deviation)
Your average sentence length is within an acceptable range, but consider that effective use of sentence length cannot be easily measured.
Passive Voice
Passive Voice Sentences: 16.7%
Many writers feel that passive voice represents poor writing form, as it allows the object of an action to be the subject of a sentence. The following sentences were detected as having passive voice:
Moreover, statistics of the crime rates are not provided to support this stand.
... tax revenue for the entire city has been increased because of this new industrial area.
No firm figures are given from which we can know that city’s ...
So, all these factors should be considered before taking any slapdash decision.
Usage of Academic Vocabulary
Vocabulary Score: 64
This score is based on the quantity and quality of scholarly vocab words found in the text. You did equal or better than 54% of the people in this education level.
Vocabulary Word Count: 6
Percentage of Vocab Words: 1.9%
Vocab Words in this Paper (a subset): benefits, adapted, increment, presumed, slapdash, erroneous
This paper could benefit from greater usage of vocabulary words. Although your vocabulary score is within the average range for most writers, boosting it will help your paper stand out.