The following is a letter from the parent of a private school student to the principal of that school:
Last year, Kensington Academy turned over management of its cafeteria to a private vendor, Swift Nutrition. This company serves low-fat, low-calorie meals that students do not find enjoyable – my son and several of his friends came home yesterday complaining about the lunch options. While the intent of hiring Swift may have been to cause students to eat healthier foods, the plan is just going to cause students to bring their own, less healthy lunches instead of eating cafeteria food. If Swift is not replaced with another vendor, there will be serious health consequences for Kensington students.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
There are many nuances which have to be taken care of. The first and foremost thing is a parent among the fraternity of students is a glass of water from a sea. Although there are chances where the glass water will have the same chemical constituents as that of the sea water but it is not always so. Kensington academy must wait for other such responses before taking a step. Kensington academy must not be gullible as abandoning a private vendor after its appointment will lead to a state of fuss.
The work to be pointed out is "Enjoyable". What does the parent mean by enjoyable? There is incoherence in the way the parent states Swift was intended to bring into action because of healthier food. Healthier foods are not always enjoyable. A school canteen has the basic needs of serving a hygienic meal instead of serving an enjoyable meal.
The academy has to do a survey instead of just believing in the parent's words. It might be the sons intransigence of not being willing to have the food. The letter might be having a spurious information of other friends also having to say the same thing so as to bring this change. Instead each and every student should be inquired. Who does not want to coddle their own children by the way?
Serving low calorie low fat food must have been an intentional initiative by the cafetaria management because of health issues in high fat food. If the students do not undergo much mental exertion then there is no point in providing them with high calorie and high fat food.
It is also not properly clear why the guardian mentions that food brought in tiffin boxes will not be a healthy option. He might be willing to mention that it will become stale. But home made food will always be more fresh when made and does not always lead to health issues even if had after a long time during the recess hours of the institution. So the parents not satisfied with the food offered can send them some home made food. After all cafetaria food will not be liked by all and there is not point usurping the cafetaria. Instead the private vendor can incorporate variety of products so as to cater to the needs of as many students as possible.
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Sentence: Serving low calorie low fat food must have been an intentional initiative by the cafetaria management because of health issues in high fat food.
Error: cafetaria Suggestion: cafeteria
Sentence: It is also not properly clear why the guardian mentions that food brought in tiffin boxes will not be a healthy option.
Error: tiffin Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: After all cafetaria food will not be liked by all and there is not point usurping the cafetaria.
Error: cafetaria Suggestion: cafeteria
argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK
argument 4 -- OK
Need to argue against the conclusion:
'If Swift is not replaced with another vendor, there will be serious health consequences for Kensington students.'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 393 350
No. of Characters: 1750 1500
No. of Different Words: 199 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.453 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.343 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.087 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.903 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.435 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.261 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5