The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council, the author recommends that people should use Ichthaid in order to prevent colds and frequent absenteeism because the medicine from the fish oil has a nutritional supplement which make people be healthy. Although the argument may seem convincing at first, the lack of evidence leads me to question the validity of the argument.
Firstly, the author needs to supplement solid evidence to the argument that West Meria’s residents should consume fish because fish have a nutritional supplement, preventing cold. It is likely that people in nearby East Meria did not catch colds because of climate condition. The East Meria is located in front of mountain which prevent the town from all winds, so the weather is warmer than the West Meria. Also, in that town, there might be few doctors to see compared to the West. Without ruling out other possibilities, the author cannot hastily conclude that people in West Meria should consume more fish oil to be healthier than before because people live in East Meria, who eat a substantial amount of fish, do not catch a cold.
Secondly, more pieces of concrete evidence needed to the argument that daily use of Ichthaid can help to reduce frequent absences of students and employees. The reason is that colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences, so daily consumption of Ichthaid would prevent cold and absences from people. However, can Ichthaid be replaced with whole nutrition that fish have? It is quite plausible that other elements in fish oil were beneficial to reduce colds, which means that consumption of Ichthaid would not have effects on the prevention of colds. Also, even if the Ichthaid is helpful to colds, the author do not provide any information about side effects of taking Ichthaid. Every medicine can cause side effects, so it should be careful to consume daily medicine especially for children or the old. It could be possible that children who are fragile to consume the Ichthaid are easily to get fever because of side effect. Hence, people should not consume Ichthaid daily unless the author gives more solid evidence.
Lastly, the author needs to add more concrete evidence on Ichthaid’s effects. The author rashly concludes that frequent absences from school or works can be ameliorated by consuming Ichthaid because it is helpful to get better from cold. In all likelihood, cold would not the main reason for absences of employees and students. They may be absent schools or companies because they are diagnosed with other disease. Since the West Meria is located in the middle of the big river, people might suffer from strong stomachache due to water pollution. In this case, residents could not prevent the absences by consuming Ichthaid. Hence, If author does not give more evidence of relationship between Ichthaid and absences, her argument cannot be justified based on assumption.
In conclusion, the author argument that West Meria’s people should take Ichthaid to prevent colds and frequent absences is invalid. To bolster the argument, she should reconsider other possibilities of consumption of fish and prevention colds and absences from school and work.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 525 350
No. of Characters: 2633 1500
No. of Different Words: 214 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.787 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.015 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.498 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 203 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.017 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.509 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 548, Rule ID: A_RB_NN[1]
Message: You used an adverb ('hastily') instead an adjective, or a noun ('conclusion') instead of another adjective.
...r possibilities, the author cannot make a hastily conclusion that people in West Meria should consum...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, hence, however, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 70.0 55.5748502994 126% => OK
Nominalization: 27.0 16.3942115768 165% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2708.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 526.0 441.139720559 119% => OK
Chars per words: 5.14828897338 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78901763229 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59612020172 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.43536121673 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 814.5 705.55239521 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.9508091359 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.833333333 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.9166666667 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.75 5.70786347227 66% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0788764742732 0.218282227539 36% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0277123951849 0.0743258471296 37% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0354894381381 0.0701772020484 51% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0602619062714 0.128457276422 47% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0385586899238 0.0628817314937 61% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 14.3799401198 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.59 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.65 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.